Monday, July 27, 2015

Sleep with a cat

It didn't seem like a hard day. 

I worked a short shift, only ran one errand, had straight trips for the most part (a nice bonus on a shared-ride service) and even got 2 naps, one of which involved two cats in the bed. 

It felt like an ultramarathon.  I woke up horribly depressed, barely got through my shower, so happy when I realized I didn't have to shave my legs. 

Everything was impossible and exhausting. 

We got to work and realized the new plant manager was about to have a meet and greet for the employees. 

We go through a lot of plant managers, one every year or so.  Of course God knows anyone can read this so that's all I'll say.

Other than, with "our" productivity numbers, I wasn't at all surprised the last guy got booted.  64 out of 67, consistently, for months, is not a good thing.

They put the numbers up in our area.

I was very happy to realize we'd be escaping before the show.  Imagine this: they had a huge cake on a table, right in Ron's travel path.

Imagine Ron coming along with a lapfull of sodas for a vending machine, knocking the cake on the ground, ready to meet the new plant manager?

Sorry about your cake!


We managed to evade all that.

I will stock tomorrow.  They were giving out cake and snacks, Ron did sodas, I did food, so things are fine until tomorrow.

We came home, I took first nap.  No cats.  We ran an errand and got cat food.

I took my medication, and my second nap.

Torbie and Biscuit joined me.  At the end, Gravy did too.  The air conditioner vent had something to do with it, but it was nice to think they wanted to hang out with me, too.

I love to sleep with a cat.  


Horribly depressed today.  I'm functional, NOT suicidal, just miserable.  I really pray you are having a better day:-)

Sunday, July 26, 2015


I renamed Torbie, Chewbie. 

She loves to munch on electrical cords.  Today I bought some bitters.  It's a spray you put on your stuff. 

Hopefully it will make her behave. 

It's none of your damned business

I get so tired. 

"OH, Heather, that happens to everyone." 





I forgot things I needed, at Walmart, because I neglected to put them on my list.  Understandable.  I gave $20 change to a customer who gave me $10.  Huh? 

I left a bag of groceries on the porch.  I forgot.  Until I went looking for my Mountain Dew.  Happily I had my cold items in the house already. 

Oh, and the milk, I found that on the counter, in front of Ron's microwave, a good half hour after I "put away all the cold stuff". 

When I paid at Walmart today, the cashier counted my money, and got angry.  "You did it again!  Gave me too much!" 

I explained I take some very toxic and harsh medication.  "Yeah, right... you're going to get me in trouble!" 

Yeah, that is my complete intent. 

I get very tired of explaining.  I get even more weary when they don't believe me.  I don't like walking around this medicated.  I don't like that it makes me "stupid".  I really don't like it when you won't accept that reality. 

It's none of your damned business, anyway, but I think people deserve an explanation.  I just wish they would accept it. 

People like them are a huge reason people like me go off our meds!  And NO ONE wants that. 

Ron doesn't understand why I so often wish I had an overt problem like he does.  People can't wait to help him. They smother him in empathy and understanding. 

And I get the attitude. 

The Cheating Blog

Ron recently read a book (fiction) about a woman who committed adultery. 

I won't tell you the name of the book, because, in his opinion, it wasn't well written.  It went into some length about how she felt inferior to others, her husband got sterilized without consulting her, felt unvalued and unappreciated by her husband, etc. 

She went on a girls night out, which, at the end of the story, had led to the cheating and pregnancy. 

Ron and I had a pretty lively discussion on where she "screwed up".  Where someone could screw up. 

  • Girls night out: I don't get the concept.  My aunt used to take me shopping when I fled Blackout Ron, and my safety was at risk.  Always, for some odd reason, in late summer/fall.  That's the only concept I've practiced.  

You know how very bad it would be for me to drink: not only would it interact with my medication, I am at huge risk for addiction.  I just avoid it completely and stick to diet soda.  If not careful, though, it could result in me getting roofied. 

So, girls night out - if you're married, or committed, stick with the girls.  In the book, they all split off and hooked up with guys. 

  • She let him buy her a drink.  
  • She confided in him. She went to his hotel and had a drink at the hotel bar.  
  • She gave him her phone number.  
  • She responded to his calls and texts.  
Now, to most, she hasn't done anything wrong, but we can see her going down the road to cheating.

I have never had a physical affair, but at 2 bad times in my marriage, I confided in other men, which led to expectations, and messy resolutions.

The book continued, she had lunches with him, more confidences, more calls and texts.  Then she invited him over when her husband was gone "To give him the tour".

So that's what they call it - she ended up cheating.  

I have some male friends.  In person, and online.  The in persons are nearly all married.  The singles are devout born-agains.  All of the singles have helped with the Bible Handouts in some fashion. 

Eric, for instance, and I met on a Christian message board.  He bought me some Bibles a few years ago, I sent him an update how I used them.  Last year we were discussing computers.  When he found out what I was using he offered me his "old" computer.  State of the art, a year ago.  I accepted. 

He showed up one night and made a network with my old computer, the new one, got it all going, and went away.  Ron and I took him to dinner.   We need to do that again. 

Note that - Ron and I.  I am a package deal, with Ron, when there is a single man around.  I just find that a lot easier. 

Justin and I met on the same board.  I gave him some advice, which he took.  He gave us rides to church for a while until Ron wrecked his back last year.  He's helped out with the Handouts, indirectly.  I have never seen Justin without Ron around.  That's the way I like it.  No confusion. 

Craig was married when I met him at church, but is now single.  He went on a Bible Handout, and has the remarkable distinction of being the only one to want a second.  He has a kind heart and loves Jesus, and things are very clear because Ron is always around, when Craig is.  

Do I yearn for these guys?  Want to have their babies?  No.  But I think it is a lot easier this way.

Ron occasionally calls old girlfriends, but I know it is not romantic.  Ron was more into the "booty call/hookup" type "relationship" before he met me.  The bonds he has with these woman are those of friendship. 

After reading this book, he swore he would never cheat, has never cheated during our marriage (which I believe).  I believe he is smart enough not to confide in another woman, to open up and be vulnerable, because that's how they get in. 

I can't see that happening to him, unless something catastrophic happened to me. 

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Happy customers.

Every summer, I consider getting "black girl" braids. 

Then I look at the expense and forget it. 

I did try to look up something I could do on my own. 

I have never been good at fashion or hairstyling.  I just blowdried my naturally full hair upside down, for the "big hair" look of the 80's and 90's.  I had very short, layered haircuts. 

As my hair grew, I went to a simple ponytail. 

I can't even do a french braid.  I lack the dexterity, especially these days. 

I looked around at hair styles for long, "white", hair.  They all involved complicated twists, buns, and braids. 

One hairstyle involved a french braid down each side of the head, joining at the back.  It got me thinking. 

What if I pulled my hair into two pigtails, secured them, and then joined the pigtails at the back?  I tried it this morning.  It wasn't difficult. 

My hair looked fuller and it was cooler.  I didn't have a long, hot, rope hanging down my back.  My scalp had some ventilation. 

My hair didn't drip with sweat as I unloaded the truck (more on that in a minute).   No one pointed fingers or laughed. 

I may have found my new summer hairstyle. 

So, the day.  I got up, exhausted and depressed.  I had a nasty headache and I pulled a muscle in my back.  I took an Excedrin and a hot shower, hoping to alleviate both. 

I did, somewhat.  I was at least able to buy the merchandise and get it to work. 

We went to the warehouse, I got all my inventory.  As much as I could fit in the pickup, at least.  God help me if I had a larger truck, and stockroom. 

We got to work and I got my carts.  Someone had tampered with Snack 1.  I later discovered a Fruit Roll-Up had hung up, resulting in severe shaking and vending machine abuse.  He's lucky he didn't knock it down on himself!  I fixed all of it. 

We left the candy in the truck cab, and had to call him back.  Ooops.  I made a joke about paying the "ransom" and gave him some money for coming back. 

He's our only guy at present.  We'd better kiss a little...

I stocked.  THAT took a while.  For once, they didn't wipe out my pastries.  I'd bought some Red Velvet cupcakes (I hate Red Velvet but I'm not the customer, they are).  They got some interest as I stocked. 

I like to provide some variety for the customer.  I would hate to be the same old candy bar...

Speaking of, I forgot to buy snickers.  I felt very foolish. 

Every vending machine has a glitch.  Snack 3 won't give a nickel back if it thinks the nickels are low.  Snack 1 used to go out of service every time someone hit it.  Currently the coins will not "tube" properly if I load it from the front. 

Snack 2.  Whenever I exit programming mode, it dispenses a few free items.  [snort]  That's a glitch I can live with.  I can simply restock the items. 

And I moved the Fruit Roll Ups so that won't happen again, either. 

I want happy customers. 

Big Show

Cup reviews.

Purple, cheap, cup

Works fine.  A little thin compared to the other but no leakage.

Two for one special  Both of them are good.

I put one in storage, and use the other.  I alternate between the two brands.  They both work fine.  No leakage.

I have a learning curve on insertion and removal.  I strongly suggest researching cup folds.

Link with photos

How has it been?  Well, overall, fine.

I haven't had a drop of leakage.  Both units are comfortable and fairly easy to install once I got it.

Removal remains a little tricky.  The cups like to climb.  So I have to squat on the toilet, bearing down, waiting for the thing to come in range and then pinch and grab.  It's only a little more awkward than removing a tampon, especially considering the times I've had a string break.  I still prefer to remove at home, when I am not rushed.

The cloth pads have provided mental security, but I haven't actually bled on them.  I'm still glad I have them, though.  I think they will be very useful as I've been spotting for a few days before the Big Show.  


My husband was run over by a careless driver. Over a decade ago.

By all appearances, the man "got away with it" while I was blamed for the accident (I let the poor blind man walk to work the way he always had, for 30 years). I was villified, while everyone saw this man as a victim.

As you can imagine, I had many issues, and many happy fantasies of beating him with a piece of metal pipe.  

I wasn't even happy when I found out he got born-again.

I knew my attitude didn't make God happy.

Matthew 5:44
New King James Version (NKJV)

44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you

So, back about 2009 I started praying for the man every day. I had to ask God to give me the will to pray, at first.. I was that messed up.

I had a lot of setbacks. It seemed like every time I was getting to a decent place, I'd see the guy again, walking around with everything working. Then I'd look at poor, pitiful, Ron, in his wheelchair.

Or Ron would have yet another devastating setback.

Imagine my horror last year when I found out the guy had bought an even bigger truck.

Every time he got near us, I went into Mama Bear mode. I have a couple of nicknames. Heather the Hatchet. Heather the Pit Bull - because I am VERY protective of my husband.

The way I saw it, he'd done enough damage.

But I asked God to work on me, prayed every day, wanted God to cleanse me, and sought to have a good attitude. God has been working.

Lately I kept thinking about that big pickup truck. We need a guy with a pickup. One of our truck guys is out of commission for who knows how long.

The other guy is reliable, but not exactly available. We had to wait all week to make our supply run.

Oh, I could use another driver.

Guess who comes looking for change today?

I gave it to him, very nice and polite. I honestly had good thoughts.

That's ALL God, working in me.

And I ended up recruiting him - if he'd like, to be our driver. He's going to think about it.

Again, that's all God.

If you see anything good in me it's just my willingness to BE used, by God.