"Make me drink"

Some days are just - agh. 

I was awakened in the middle of the night, I believe by one of the cats running across me just because she could.  Biscuit is outnumbered 2 to 1 so I will use a female pronoun with regard to the cats, unless it is Biscuit. 

Anyway, a couple nights in a row, awakened at 2-3 AM.  I get up, I pee, I get a drink of water 'cause I'm always thirsty, I go back to sleep. 

I overslept this morning but I had enough time to shower, shave my legs, etc.  I did my God Time later before I turned on the computer. 

Ron kept picking fights.  He was very verbally abusive, at one point threatening to let the cats out (to get hurt or killed), because he didn't like how I responded to something.  How is that ever OK?  Ever?  I was furious, but didn't show it, because that just feeds the behavior. 

He was making attacks at my faith, accusing me of "being controlling and trying to dominate him".  Let me tell you, if I wanted a man to control and dominate I would not have married Ron.  He is stubbornly independent and incredibly hard headed. 

A good example, tonight during dinner he was telling me about a movie he is watching.  I reminded him born again Christians will be raptured before the Tribulation.  Ron said he wanted to be around during the tribulation, to be a great leader and warn people. 

"Ron" I told him "In your worst nightmares you can't imagine how bad it's going to be during the tribulation.  That is why we are getting raptured.  The only way you don't get raptured is if you're not saved.  Don't be one of those 'airbags' bleating about how much you want to tell the antichrist to go to hell.  It won't happen, and if it did it would be horrific." 

Ron started complaining about me trying to "dominate" and "control" him.  He was sulking because I told him he would be raptured, and not around during hell-on-Earth!  I don't get that at all. 

Now, some might say, Ron doesn't exhibit any fruits of the spirit (not many) and maybe he isn't saved.  I don't believe that, but if there's any possibility he could be left behind I pray he is not. 

I would tell him not to run into someone at work, I was controlling him.  I would warn him he left a machine unlocked (he has requested I tell him) and he yelled at me for "dominating" him. 

All day, I have had the same thought, he is profoundly ungrateful for any of the good things in his life.  We didn't flood.  We have a home.  We have a business we enjoy.  We have a good supervisor.  We have good management and customers.  We have good suppliers.  We didn't flood.  You get the idea. 

And all he can do is attack me because I'm keeping him from running over a manager in his wheelchair!  Speaking of, he has gotten very stiff lately. 

I suggested he see a neurologist, he was interested for about 5 minutes.  Then, I think, he realized he would have to fill out a form stating how much he drinks, and the doctor would call him on the drinking.  He doesn't want to do the water aerobics.  He doesn't want physical therapy.  He says the drinking is the only thing to help with the pain but he refuses to investigate any other modality. 

It makes me want to scream, especially as I see him wash his Tylenol down with alcohol, ruining his liver. 

OH.  Ron told me today, during a rare pleasant moment, he wasn't drinking anything for a few days to give his body a break.  He has put on some flab and he wants to lose it. 

So, he's not drinking, hence the pissy mood.  I would say that is 90% right there.  Ugh.  I can see why some people support their alcoholic's drinking.  It may wreck their health but they are nicer. 

I SO wish he would get into AA, or the Men's Group at church.  [sigh]   I have to leave that up to God.  When Ron comes to me, wanting help, I have some options for him.  Until then I am quiet. 

Work went OK.  We went to the warehouse and got 28 cases of drinks, plus some snacks.  We went to work and I unloaded it, miserably uncomfortable in my padded bra, but the driver stares at my chest if I don't wear one.  I will wear non-padded bras on days/times we don't encounter him and I never have a problem with men staring.  It's JUST him. 

He made the argument, talking about someone else, a while back "If they won't want me to look they shouldn't wear something that lets me".  I am practically wearing a burqua.  My tshirt collars go up over my collar bone, and the hem on the t shirt covers my butt.  The actual garment is baggy and oversized, not leaving any room for imagination, unless I happen to be picking up a case of water, chips, or whatever and the fabric tightens. 

Like I said, I don't have problems with other men so I tend to feel resentful that I "have" to wear a padded bra on the heavy labor in 90 degrees, 90% humidity weather.  It is miserable. 

The minute I got home, I took it off and exchanged it for another, more comfortable, bra. 

First I had to work.  They were doing interviews so I had to keep Ron from running over the applicants, admins, or management.  Then more managers wandering around in the cafeteria.  We had to do the end of the month accounting stuff in addition to all the regular stocking.  I was pretty busy. 

The other vendor's guys were there, so we had that excitement too.  It was pretty busy, but I got it all done, including a check and refill of the coffee machine. 

I use a good Dark Roast.  If you live in the mid Gulf coast I use Community Coffee Dark Roast.  As Ron says "It smells really good" and has a good flavor it you like coffee.  I don't. 

We left.  Ron was still cranky. 

We went home and I took a nap, well, I tried.  Ron had set an alarm which went off in the middle of the nap, then Torbie ran across me about half an hour later, just because she could.  I wasn't too happy with her, but she's adjusting to inside life now. 

The mosquitos are here.  10 days, that's how long it took.  God forbid you ever flood you have about 10 days to buy bug spray.  They were feasting on me this morning.  I got out my wipes and ran them off. 

I have been fine ever since, except for one finger during my nap.  I wash my hands, as I should, after using the toilet.  Apparently I washed off the repellent.  I had a bite on one finger. 

Other than that, fine.  Good stuff, DEET.  It makes my hands sticky and my arms greasy but it keeps the mosquitoes away. 

I thought it was funny that Walmart had a big display of repellent right by the front door, last week.  I bet it is sold out now. 

Interestingly, the kids next door seem pretty immune. 

I'm remembering how Ron told me last night, basically I "had to behave" so I wouldn't "make him drink".  I didn't receive it.  I told Ron it was up to him whether he drank. 

I could have also added I never drink, no matter what my day, but I didn't get into that.  Even if I were inclined my Haldol has very dire warnings all over the label. 

I have no desire to cook my brains.