Strong Black Woman

Today in church I saw a guy pumping his fist in the air to the music.  I thought that was so cool.

If we were both single I would have given him my number.  :)  As it is, I've got Ron singing in the next room. 

God made it pretty clear recently that I need to work on envy.  I think I have a pretty good grip on my sins; pride, unforgiveness, anger, self pity, etc. 

I didn't really think envy was an issue.  Oddly, I had come around to realizing that about the same time Ron told me "That's envy!" when I was ranting about someone on the internet. 

I figured out one answer to the anger; and have gotten more assertive about blocking those who push my buttons.  One button being people who complain when they have so much good in their lives.  I want to slap them into gratitude (the anger).  I also desperately wish I had "those" problems.  (envy).  God has a way of using Ron on me; it's hard to describe but some things that come out of his mouth are not Ron. 

That's happened before; Ron was very depressed and angry about 20 years ago.  He was basically unemployed, I worked at Target, and it wasn't where he thought he'd end up.  He was struggling with some bitterness. 

One night, in frustration, I "rode the loop"  with a bus driver friend of ours.  He gave me a lecture:  I had to be a "Strong Black Woman" and support Ron.  A white woman would run off; a strong black woman would stay and support him, understanding his moods stemmed from the fear he wouldn't be a good provider. 

It was just what I wanted to hear. 

I don't like to think of myself as an envious person, but I know I am.  When I hear a friend talking about buying a designer thing and it "only" cost a thousand dollars, something in me cries "Do you know how many Bibles I could buy for that?"  "How many bills I could pay?"  "That would pay our property tax!" 

That's envy.  Gotta work on that. 

First step, admitting I have the problem (confession leads to repentence, in the Bible).