Leave it on the shelf.

I find this humiliating, writing this more difficult than confessing a sexual indiscretion. 

Speaking of, a lot of people with bipolar disorder can get into horrible sins if the illness gets out of hand; one reason I am vigilant. 

I like to talk when I'm manic.  I get hostile and irritable.  I also shop.  A lot. 

When the money is tight, you'll find me at the Dollar Store, buying 4 boxes of garbage bags because "I'll need them".  I will buy cheap things in abundance, get home, and leave most of them in bags on the floor. 

Later on, if I'm blessed, God will grant me a nice cleaning and organizing urge.  I'll go through the bags and put everything away. 

I think my highest paycheck was about $900, twice a month.  I'm trying to think of the most expensive thing I bought myself.  I know I spent a lot of money on craft and soap making supplies, probably a hundred or so an order; which is a lot when you're making what I did. 

I would work on my projects with great relish until the mania burned out, collapse into depression, and climb out again, enthralled with my next project. 

Gardening.
Soapmaking
Aromatherapy
Cooking (everything)
Nutrition (resulting in the consumption of until supplements). 
Spinning
Crochet
Knitting

You name it, if it related I probably bought it. 

Oh, I forgot my wood finishing binge.  I bought some unfinished wood furniture from Ikea.  I purchased, over time, a bedside table (finished in rosewood and now resides in my bathroom), a huge bookcase system (all in use), a wood and metal frame bed (I finished that with a pine finish, a really obnoxious laquer that provoked several migraines during the process), and a cabinet.  I had a lot of fun making it, and they look great, but I am done.  I did all that back in 2005-6 right before my diagnosis. 

After my diagnosis I still did my craft binges now and then, up until a few years ago.  One follower complained that I wasn't as much fun as I used to be, I didn't have anything going in the garden or any other projects. 

To that, I said, THANK GOD.  I felt like a slave to them. 

Yes, the pendulum has swung.  I blog, I do Bible Handouts and God time.  I don't do much else.  I rarely cook or organize during a mania; but that's it.  I've "lost" a lot of interests but I still have $30 in my pocket. 

I really appreciated the value of my medication while browsing a sales rack at Walmart today.  I found some adorable purple denim capris, none in my size. 

I would probably look like the fruit of the loom grape in 22W purple pants, but I love purple so much I wouldn't care. 

Back in the day, if I'd had the money, I would have bought a pair in every possible size, just "knowing" how much I'd love them once I lost the weight. 

I made that mistake, a lot, at thrift stores, for years.  Nearly every item ended up in a donation bag on the front porch.  Only recently I determined it's better to save my skinny clothes and "shop" them as I lose weight, running to the store or thrift shop for any additional items needed. 

I also try to include items like a broomstick skirt.  You can work that puppy through any weight.  I have the largest size, it will "small" down easily as I lose.  I won't need to buy new ones. 

If I find something adorable, something completely my style, and under $10 or so, I might buy it.  I have some nice things waiting in my closet, one reason I'm not worried about adding to my "smaller" wardrobe. 

I worry more about my current wardrobe.  I have one pair of 22WP (I have short legs) jeans in medium blue; one pair in a darker blue at 20WP, a pair of 18P, some sweats, etc.  If I need to buy any clothes it will be the next couple sizes down; not a 16 or so. 

I had an easy time saying goodbye to the purple jeans.  I am on the lookout for a cute top to be worn with jeans, to church, ideally a half sleeve, purple, with some lace involved.  I had a great purple rayon tunic top but I wore it out, it got pretty pilly so I donated it.  When I find it, I'll tell you.  I might even post a photo. 

I also concluded that I am a t-shirt woman, and 100% cotton at that.  I get hot flashes due to medication, and I live in a subtropical climate.  A t-shirt is also very practical for my line of work, cheap, and easily repurposed as a rag when it's time to retire.  Recently, I had a lot of fun tie-dying some t-shirts. 

I have some blouses, maybe 7 or so, in various sizes.  I'm pretty sure that's all I will need.  I work in vending, a very active stocking job.  The caregiving also works well with a t-shirt.  Evangelism?  Nothing better than a black t-shirt layered under my trusty handout vest. 

I avoid the blouse racks as a result.  They may be cute but most are not 100% cotton.  I will not wear them anywhere, so it's better to just leave it on the shelf. 

Socks - I did buy a lot of socks recently, and I'm glad.  I wear white, quarter crew socks in the larger women's foot size.  I have big feet.  Same with underwear.  If I like it and it's comfortable I will buy a couple 10-packs.  I hate running out of clean things when I am depressed and too tired for laundry. 

That's about it.  I make my "big buy" on the socks and undies once a year during the back to school sale.

I do tend to buy odd foods when manic.  I have a sausage and egg breakfast bowl in the freezer.  I also have a marinara chicken tv dinner.  I hate marinara, and I hate chicken.  I usually hate eggs.  I can only conclude I must have been pretty manic. 

I only wish I had the $900 twice a month, again.  I'd buy fun things like a new kitchen faucet, a better toilet, and maybe an adjustable bed for Ron.  Ron and I might go to the store and get some wood to make a couple of cat shelves by the window. 

Happily, I don't have a long "want" list anymore.