I did pretty well last night, I slept pretty well.
I did pretty well, this morning, I took my second lithium "early" and it worked very well. We went to work and we did everything possible.
I need to go to the warehouse, and get more crackers, but that's about it.
However, I waited too long on the last lithium, and depression is gnawing away. [sigh] Not an illness, for a wimp.
You know, I hear a lot about people "on disability" for bipolar disorder. I completely get that.
However, unemployment during a depression - oh, that would be ugly. As it is, sometimes I don't have the energy to check the mail, even when I'm expecting something fun! I can only IMAGINE the horror of unemployment with a depression.
Actually, I do know. I was laid off a job in 1997. They said I didn't fit in. They were right; money wasn't my God. I worship Someone else. They fired me a couple weeks before Christmas. That was a completely awful Christmas.
One reason, I think, God has never led me to apply for disability. I need to get out of the house.
Anyway, I made some oatmeal with raisins (a favorite) and I'll eat it when it's cooled. Then I'll do my God Time, come back, and finish this post.
OK, ate, did my God time, drank a quart of diet Raspberry Lemonade (one of my all time favorite drinks). I don't want to dwell on the depression too much, because I'll just end up back in "the hole".
[frenzied scratching] Mosquitoes love me. I'm so tasty! That's the last time I check the mail at 6 PM!
I think I need to make plans, for what I will do in the afternoons. "Do dishes, clean fridge" stuff like that. Have an actual schedule for stuff like sweeping, laundry days, etc. I think I'll do better if I have a managable portion to work on, daily, than a huge mountain of tasks.
Ron is adamant, he does not want me getting another job. He doesn't want me selling crafts; it's a manhood thing. Well, I'm not going to fight him.
I do believe, from a spiritual standpoint, the man should have leadership. Does that mean I need Ron's permission to go to the Dollar Store? No. But it does mean I respect his wishes on important things.
I completely detest the whole submission thing; it just shrieks of bondage, domination, and degradation. I know of some really sad cases.
Ron is a lot different, he wants a strong, independent woman. He wants a woman who can fix a vending machine, send off the sales tax, stock a pallet of merchandise, and pill the cat. He admires my creative impulse and adores my cooking. He respects my opinion when I disagree, but we both know he has the final say on the items of importance. He admires and respects me; and values me.
Because I know this, I want to do as much as I can for him. I think that's a lot better than the whole submitted wife thing. It's not always perfect, but he's gotten more vocal with the compliments. That means a lot, and I tell him that.
I would LOVE to do my God Time, at least part of it, with him every day, and discuss the passages I read. [shrug] I don't see that happening anytime soon, but if Ron were too perfect I'd probably put him up above God, and idols never did very well in the Old Testament.
Speaking of, I read a very nice passage in Isaiah today; "I will give you a garment of praise" and take away the spirit of despair. That sounds great.
5 comments:
Ron doesn't deserve a position of leadership in your marriage when he drinks, calls other women on chat lines and is verbally abusive.
It is ironic that he is so set on you not getting another job because he wants to be the provider. Yet his tirades and drinking he ignores and just thinks that's par for the course.
My feeling is that Ron does not want you to have another source of income because if you did you would then be able to leave him. You would be more independent of him and that frankly probably scares the heck out of him.
If you want to make extra money on the side that is your right and I say do it. You have no children so there is no reason you cannot earn extra money to bring into the household.
Just my thoughts on this. Good luck with whatever you decide to do Heather.
You are in an abusive relationship with Ron. All abusers have there good moments but inevitably it always comes back around to the abuser doing evil.
God loves a cheerful giver and this includes sharing the say-so dealing with things on the homefront. I like making decisions with hubby, its a married thing to do, He lives here too and i gladly give him the final word when i'm uncertain. lol I know he's capable and God will steer him right in the end. Its nice to have checks and balances within the home.
"Ron is adamant, he does not want me getting another job. He doesn't want me selling crafts; it's a manhood thing. Well, I'm not going to fight him.
I do believe, from a spiritual standpoint, the man should have leadership. Does that mean I need Ron's permission to go to the Dollar Store? No. But it does mean I respect his wishes on important things."
Your marriage to Ron is not 100% scriptural what with the division of the money, etc. I am still struggling with Christians picking and choosing what they will and will not follow when it comes to the Bible.
Submission does not mean you have to be a doormat or base your survival on Ron. What about Ron's role in submitting to you as a loving Christian husband?
It is too bad he does not respect your wishes on important things such as how you feel about him drinking and calling women on chat lines and berating you at times.
Wow, I expected maybe one comment, if that.
I agree, Ron is very threatened by the thought of me getting another job. I have to say, I think a part of it, in his mind, is wanting to "protect" me.
You can imagine how well the whole employment thing went when I was undiagnosed and unmedicated. [laugh] Not so well. Really, I'm amazed I was only fired once.
I think he also wants the majority of my attention.
To the last comment: I don't have an issue with Ron managing the finances. Frankly, with the brain damage I would rather he do it.
I don't see myself as the "submissive" spouse in any way; if Ron wants to pay all the bills that is fine with me.
To both comments about thc chat line, as far as I know he stopped that a while back. I made it clear I did not want to hear about them, was firm about it, not reactive and hysterical. He realized I wasn't going to play whatever game it was [scratching head - some game I'm sure]. I told him I was only interested in our love life. He accepted that.
Yes, he is abusive. I know that. I had a very hard, long road to walk on coming to terms. The way I grew up I thought abuse put you in the hospital. I had a very enlightening discussion with a Family Services Therapist when I was about 24. I realized I had never been in a situation without abuse. It was pretty awful conclusion. Should I truly feel physically, threatened, I have a bug out bag, emergency fund, and cell phone with the Women's Center, my Aunt, my sister (who has made it clear she would help) -numbers, and my ID. I'm not going to stand around and get hit. If he is verbally ugly, he knows I will walk outside until he's done, or call my aunt. He is terrified of their disapproval.
The way I see it with the money; Ron has all of the bills. He makes about twice what I do, and has to pay mortgage, property tax, insurance, all utilities, satellite TV, internet, etc... I have offered to pay some and he consistently says NO. I think, if anyone is getting shorted, it's Ron. "My" money is mine to spend as I please, with some exceptions like visits to Doc.
Bubba has come in (the black cat) and says hello to all!
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