Count your blessings, already!

Heidi, yeah, it was probably the background music.  I'm sorry.  I went out on Wednesday, got some craft stuff.  Yesterday we ran some errands and rode paratransit forever. 

It has been very hot and humid recently; makes the whole "Day Out" rather exciting.  Especially as I read ominous warnings about temperature regulation on my bottle of risperidone. 

Ugh.  I am in a BAD MOOD right now. 

I needed groceries, so Ron set up a trip for us to go to the grocery store.  The grocery trip was fine, I got my grated cheese, tuna, etc.  Also some veggie juice. 

Our pickup, however, was over an hour late.  Boy, Ron had a LOT to say.  It started with general grumblings and went to his usual "The world is going to hell" spiel. 

I told him, I feel the whole deficit problem could be solved if we stopped giving other nations money; especially ones that hate us.  What is the point of funding a bunch of jerks who hate us anyway?  I think anyone can agree on that. 

He started yelling at me, I was trying to "fix things" and "Didn't [I] know that no one could "fix" things, only God could do that..." blah blah.  I told him I needed a break from the negativity.  He said "I'm not being negative"

WHAT? 

"I'm not being negative, because God will come back and fix everything.  I am very tired of waiting, why doesn't He hurry up, God is torture man, etc." 

I THEN told him, your conversation is 1% positive, but right now all I am seeing is the 99%.  Can you please stop? 

He started cursing, then turned on the talking book and played it out loud.  That is torture for me. 

I have a learning disability, audio processing disorder.

I'm going to cut and paste the stuff that applies to me: 
"People with APD intermittently experience an inability to process verbal information. When people with APD have a processing failure, they do not process what is being said to them.


There are also many other hidden implications, which are not always apparent even to the person with the disability. For example, because people with APD are used to guessing to fill in the processing gaps, they may not even be aware that they have misunderstood something.....

have trouble paying attention to and remembering information presented orally, and may cope better with visually acquired information


have problems carrying out multi-step directions given orally; need to hear only one direction at a time

have poor listening skills

need more time to process information

have low academic performance (boy, did I)

have behavior problems (I think that goes more to "crazy")

have language difficulties (e.g., they confuse syllable sequences and have problems developing vocabulary and understanding language)

Other characteristics may include:
needing people to speak slowly

disliking locations with background noise such as bar, clubs or other social locations

a preference for written communication (e.g. text chat) [one reason I love the internet, it's all what I type, and read]
 Fewer words may be perceived than were actually said, as there can be problems detecting the gaps between words, creating the sense that someone is speaking unfamiliar or nonsense words. Those suffering from APD may have problems relating what has been said with its meaning, despite obvious recognition that a word has been said, as well as repetition of the word."  - [that happens a lot; someone is talking and I literally hear blah, blah, blah.  It can come in handy when Ron is raving at me.] 

So, for me, turning on a talking book and playing it loudly at me, is like hitting me.  It completely overwhelms me. 

What I find so provoking;  Ron KNOWS I find it painful.  It was done to "punish" me for asking him to stop the negativity. 

I had an interesting thought; Ron is taking stuff to me, that really needs to go to God.  I can't handle all his existential, depressing, negative, dramas.  Only God can do that; but he only yells at God or asks for help with something specific now and then. 

I went outside and waited for over half an hour.  I only came in again to use the bathroom, and [sarcasm] look who's using his headphones.  As soon as he got home he kept asking me when I was leaving... tell him when I leave, practically holding the door open.  Life is so unfair, why him...

I said "You're a victim.  Everyone IS out to get you.  You have it worse than anyone else on the planet.  Can you please move so I can bring in the groceries?" 

AGH.  I went and did some serious prayer time, went through my whole notebook and then just sent a lot of energy up at God without any words.  Ron turned up the volume on the talking book again.  Is he trying to piss me off? 

UGH.  Lord, give me the grace to deal.  Thank you for my medication and the ability to not commit a felony.  Amen. 

I almost didn't write anything, but I am upset and I am worried my blog may come off as "Sure things are bad but I've got it".  A lot of times, I don't.   I want to go shout at Ron: Count your blessings, already.  You have so many good things in your life and all you do is whine, whine, whine. 

Go see my doc, get something for your depression and TAKE IT.  Get rid of the booze, that is a depressant.  How about helping those less fortunate?  You could volunteer at hospice or something... the animal shelter, abused children, SOMETHING. 

But no, all he wants to do is drink, drunk, drunk, and have pity parties while lying in bed and complaining about God's injustice to him. 

I've told him, I've got my own burdens.  I'm suffering right along with you, but you're going to dump on me?  I'm the last person you should dump on - I'm the one who stayed! 

He just started cursing again. 

Worst of all; this is all SOBER time!  AGH!   I am definitely out of here before noon - the magic hour when the vodka comes out.  Ron does not have a drinking problem, he thinks, because he only drinks 12 hours a day.  Any more than that would indicate a problem. 

I could use some prayer today, if you're so minded. 

Thank you!