I haven't had a headache like this in a while

 Brutal.  Can't sleep.  Ron talked me into smoking some hemp which helped somewhat but I am still in enough pain I have tears running down my face.  

I am so glad I never had kids.  Migraines are rampant in both sides of my family.  Very genetic, like the mental illness.  No matter the father, I most assuredly would have had a child with migraines and mental illness.  With Ron they would have been blind, to boot.  

I am glad we caught his high blood pressure before he had any serious complications.   And on that note, I just checked mine.  It is fine, about 120/80 which isn't bad considering my pain level.  Heart rate is reasonable as well.  

I do need to keep an eye on my blood pressure as that was at least one of the factors in my mother's death.  Her heart was a real mess from untreated (she knew she had it) high blood pressure and it killed her.  I don't want to leave Ron like that.  Not with something I could prevent.  

On that note I should be working out again but the thought of exerting myself right now (with the migraine) makes me want to vomit.  But one thing about migraines I will get over it, even though I am weeping with pain.  

Heather, you might wonder, why don't you take Imitrex or whatever?  It works great for (me, family member, etc).  Can't, with lithium.  It is BAD.  

Well, shit.  Yah, it used to work great for me.  Now it is finally, probably, a $4 generic and I can't take it due to the mood stabilizer.  But a migraine won't kill me (unless I am having a fatal stroke).  Bipolar absolutely COULD kill me.  Kind of like Ron, the Tramadol doc gave him for pain can cause seizures, so now Ron won't touch it.  All I had to say 'It lowers your seizure threshold and makes them more likely" and he practically threw them across the room.  Even when HE (a lot of fun at my place) is practically weeping with pain he doesn't want it.  

But nights like tonight I'm really glad we didn't have kids.  I am pretty sure one of his back problems is inherited, too, and he had a lot of pain with that.  You can actually see the defective vertebrae.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scheuermann%27s_disease and I am sure he would say he wouldn't put a child through what he's endured with his back.  

I got a really cold bottle of water from the fridge and that is helping.  

Ron's family, growing up every food in the house was for every one in the house.  If it was in the fridge/pantry any family member could eat it.  In my house growing up they had "their" food and I was not allowed to touch it, punished for eating it, allocated "some" food but not what most would consider appetizing.  A lot of white bread, peanut butter, milk, etc.  Sometimes some bologna or processed cheese I could use to make a grilled cheese.  Oh, and tomato soup.  For some reason my stepmother always bought a lot.  I used to make it with half a can of milk and half a can of water, my primary abuser used to love that with a fried bologna sandwich (back when he was a decent, lovable, child).  I would cook for him.  Anyway, I was taught there were just a lot of foods I wasn't allowed to eat in the house.  

I can't stand tomato soup, now.  

I will let you make your own conclusion on that, Ron was horrified when I told him.  I noticed the grandkids had pretty free reign at my aunt's house so I don't think she follows the policy I grew up with, either.  Ron gets irate if I even mention "your food".  He says that is not his house, in his house I have whatever I want.  

But I do have the tendency that is not "my" bottled water, I "can't" drink it, it is for Ron and guests.  Who is bringing it in the house?  Who buys it?  Who puts it in the fridge?  Who takes out the empty bottles to recycle?  Who takes the recycle can to the street?  Me.  So why the HELL isn't it my water?  But I have to make a point to remind myself it is "mine".  

I did have some condensed soup for dinner, right now I am fairly queasy.  One of the very rare occasions I did not take my pills tonight.  One night isn't going to kill me but I will be glad when I can.  And, yes, I did tell the social worker I rarely do not take my pills if I have a migraine.  

With her, I took the policy tell the truth there is nothing to remember.  I don't have to keep my story straight.  And I really don't think it would go well if I was caught lying.  I think I am doing an OK job taking care of me and Ron.  He is getting all the medical care, nutrition, medication, etc.  There is nothing he needs I have failed to do for him.  

Oh I am miserable.  I was planning to go to Walmart tomorrow but I bought myself a few days if I need them; I paid the credit card.  It takes about a week to process but I got it in time.  My credit score, according to the card company, is in the 600's, not great but it was in the 500's when we bought the house.  I think most of it I don't have a payment history because I didn't owe any money for years.  

I had a hospital bill I paid off $50 a month but that dropped off a while back, I think.  At any rate I am making bigger than minimum payments, early, every month so that can only help.  I still have a couple hundred available as well.  

I think, this pay period, I will get my blood test done.  I need to get that done.  

Oh, not fun, almost vomited.  I have a small bucket nearby.  I also put a wet washcloth in the freezer for a little bit, that will feel so good on my face in a couple of minutes.  I can't say enough about my GE fridge it is great.  The freezer will get that "warshrag" (Ron's term) nice and chilly.  

I can't decide if the pain is more "drilling" or "splitting" but it is still awful.  So glad I never had kids I can just envision some poor little thing sobbing "Mommy it hurts!".