Monday

 I slept OK last night but Ron woke me up.  He has trouble swallowing due to the stroke and, at one point, was prescribed a pureed food diet.  Anyway, sometimes he chokes on his saliva when he's sleeping or drinking a liquid, and it always sounds like Stage One of a seizure.  

They go: 

Loud shout, convulsions, pushing out (I don't know how else to describe it), collapse (these have all happened in bed so he goes limp, basically), horrible gurgling and choking noises, then snoring unconcious for a while.  

It is really a ghastly progression and I always go running even though I can do absolute zilch to stop it.  I guess to bear witness?  Anyway, I yelled "Are you alright?" and he mumbled a reply, I turned over and looked at the alarm clock.  

[Bad Word] It was 5:15.  I hadn't set the alarm properly.  I jumped up and administered the morning pills (seizure pill and blood pressure), then went back to bed, very groggy and slept until 9.  

I was groggy/depressed most of the morning.  I haven't even done a shower yet.  But I have taken care of Ron and the cats.  

I tried to lay down but I suspect my "hair and skin" vitamins have a little too much B vitamin for that.  I got up and decided to do my God time.  

Back in the day I used to go to thrift shops, and would often find these very sad little devotionals, inscribed "To Kerry with love, please accept this as a reminder of my, and God's, love for you" that sort of thing.   And the recipient threw it away, basically.  

I have a "One Year Book of Bible Readings" inscribed "to Kurt" from his friend Beth, you get the idea.  Anyway I found this HUGE hardback devotional based on my favorite Bible verse "My Weakness for His Strength" (2 Corinthians 12:9).  I read a little, liked it, picked it up.  $1, don't tell the author.  

I never added it to "My Arsenal" of devotions and Bible readings.  But I found it not long ago in the garage, it was one of the few books I did keep when I did the purge.  I took it out, read Day One, liked it.  Today's reading really spoke to me and basically told me I was the victim of legalism when my pastor made a rule he knew I couldn't keep, one that was not explicitly in the Bible, when he forbade me to take my mental illness meds.  It made a lot of sense and something I needed to hear, as I have been more bitter than I would like, on the matter.  Mainly because a couple people in my life have been pushing me to go back.  Now I can explain, succinctly, why I have an issue.  "Because he is a legalist".  

So I needed to hear that and it has been a good book so far, I am going to put up a link:  https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B014HQDQR6/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_hsch_vapi_tkin_p1_i4

I am very picky about what I put in my head.  It has to be understandable and relevant, based on the Bible.  What I have going right now does that.  

One year Bible, one year Chronological Bible, one year book of Bible readings, a devotional by Corrie Ten Boom, Streams in the Desert (old-timey devotional for struggling people), the one I just mentioned, also for struggling people, and a regular NKJV Bible, giant print, I read a chapter every day, right now in the New Testament.  I really figure I CANNOT get enough Bible in my day.  I am dead serious about that.  

I would also like the Morning and Evening devotional but I put that on my birthday list as a hint to my parents.  I also have a Bible cover on there, I could actually use 2.  If I don't get them for a present I will buy them for myself (6x9x2). 

Anyway, when I stack up these books on the floor they come up to my knee; but I'm a lot better for the daily readings.  I believe they make me a better person and more useful to Jesus.  That's a good thing, and one of the only things I am taking out of this life aside from my works and how I loved others.  

All that said I have figured out the source of a recurring digestive issue: red food dye #40.  Every time I consume it about two hours later I have a violent "purge" of red-dyed poop.  It was very alarming, it didn't look like blood and I realized it was the dye reacting in my gut.  So that is out!  

Yipe.  One of the very few things Dad remembers about my childhood, I reacted so badly to red dye #2, me and my stepbrother, that we were forbidden to have any "red" drinks, no fruit punch, no cherry slushies, because we became uncontrollable after consumption.  I remember the prohibition.  

So I will have to find some drink mix without red dye in it, I think I am still OK for aspartame.  I guess I will look on Amazon, I actually have a little bit in my account.  

I really wanted to wear some perfume today but Ron is so sensitive to scents.  I did figure out (with his help) he didn't react to the Tea Rose, couldn't smell it in fact, so I could wear a tiny spritz.  It is a nice amount for me but not bothering him, everyone wins.  

Interesting, research has shown scents can trigger a seizure.  If I ever get a helper in here I will have to request no perfume because some of those women - OMG it is awful you can TASTE it and that would definitely flip Ron into one.  I am going to have to remember that.  I don't care how they show up but no perfume!  I will make that CLEAR.  

Interestingly enough Ron says if anyone's helping him he wants a man.  I guess for "house help" I can get a woman we will see.  Not like people are lining up to mop my floors!  

If you do, please don't wear perfume!  :p  

Ron has had a good day, ate a decent amount, urine looks good, already took care of the other matter on his own.  No headache for me just mildly depressed.  I need to figure out dinner.  Ron can have his spaghettios but I need to figure mine out.  

I think I have some canned macaroni.  No, I had plain spaghettios.  With some milk.   

Now I need to take a shower and round up the dirty clothes, see if I have enough for a load.