Sunday, March 13, 2016

Stained

I slept OK last night, and enjoyed waking up without an alarm.  For me, 8 AM, which was "really" 7. 

I was pretty depressed, but I still did my God Time and watched a sermon on my computer.  Then I tried to take a nap, but I couldn't, too wound up.  I got up after about an hour and a half. 

I took a shower (yeah, I know my sequence was off), ate some cereal, and took my medication.  Question: what to do? 

Ron was drinking and depressed.  Try as I might, he can't get it: I can't handle his depression talk when I, myself, am depressed.  I am fine when I'm manic but not depressed. 

I was miserably depressed. 

I had a couple choices, I figured.  I could take a cab somewhere, but I'm almost out of money.  I could take the bus somewhere, but where?  I wanted somewhere fairly quiet, where I could sit and quietly drink a diet decaf soda.  That eliminated Starbucks.  And McDonald's, if I wanted quiet. 

What about the gas station?  I knew they had diet caffeine free soda in the soda fountain.  They had tables.  They were pretty quiet, everyone would just come and go. 

I couldn't see them objecting to my freshly-bathed self sitting there and consuming something I'd bought.  That's the goal, to sell products. 

I walked over.  It was really windy and my knitting bag almost flew off my arm, into the bayou.  I made it there and bought the "bucket" sized diet decaf soda. 

I sat down and began working on the black and white afghan.  After a while, an employee came by, I believe a supervisor of some sort. 

I explained to her I was "disabled" (I didn't mention the depression).  My husband was disabled as well, and in a bad mood.  I was his caregiver.  I just wanted to get out of the house for a while.  She was fine with that. 

I called my aunt and we talked for a while.  I bought a parfait and ate it, spilling some on my top. 

I checked the time.  I had been there about an hour and a half, probably time to go home.  Besides, I was embarrassed about my clothes.  I don't like to walk around stained. 

I came home and used some pretreater on my shirt, that should take care of the stain.  I changed into my black cat nightgown so I am comfortable.  It's a black cotton nightgown, covered in black cats.  I like it a lot. 

Ron's still asleep, he drank a lot of wine before I left, but we'll see how the evening goes.  He's not ugly or belligerent. 

I'm just TIRED.  I know a lot of it is the depression, and the rest is my medication. 

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