"Out"

"I've told [my friends] about you.  They all know you're a mental defective - unstable, and not to be trusted."  The guy spat out the words as he stomped off. 

I gaped at his back in shock, disgust and awe battling for supremacy.  I finally turned and walked the other way. 

What happened?  Well, I have a stockroom at work.  It is shared with the other vendor. 

I had mentioned I had some missing product.  I thought this guy could help, and I wanted whoever did it to know I'm not stupid, I know you stole from me, and I will be taking measures. 

Now, when I get to work I pull my carts out of the stockroom.  The candy in question was on a middle shelf on the cart.  It is possible someone stole the product off the cart while I was working, it would be ballsy, but possible. 

However, I thought it was more likely that the key has been copied and used.  Since my stuff is by the door (at the behest of the other vendor, who hides his stuff behind big stacks of empty crates and such), it is easy for people to come in and rummage around in my stuff, or take it.  It's happened.  I've literally walked in and found someone pawing through my stuff "I need a spork". 

I brought this up.  The guy immediately went to I was accusing him.  No, I told him.  I said something else but that will give away identity so I won't.  I said I was going to protect my stuff, and let the other vendor's guy's know to keep building their barricade so no one can get at their product.  I said I just wanted it known that I knew someone had been in the stockroom and I didn't appreciate - that's when he went off on me.  Had I been allowed to finish I would have said "I didn't appreciate them ripping off a blind man in a wheelchair." 

After that, he left me alone.  Clearly, in my mind, he has some mental health issues of his own and I will be avoiding him now. 

I am still taken aback that he would be so ugly, and go on the attack like that.  I can't be robbed because I take medication every day? 

I am certain guys like him would blame me for being raped, even if I were wearing the full muslim getup, going to church, and carrying a Bible at the time. 

This is the peril of coming out of the closet with mental health issues.  People will use it against you.  About 11 years ago, I was assaulted at work and shoved against a wall.  When I reported it, I was told that I didn't know what happened, I had misinterpreted it, and was I taking medication. 

I was shoved into a wall.  There is not any cause for misinterpretation.  The guy should have been fired or at the very least written up. 

Why?  Because he was angry about granola bar prices and I said I would have to talk to Ron. 

So you have to decide, is the stigma and people getting away with hurting you worth hopefully inspiring people and showing them a good example of "properly medicated"?  Only you can make the choice, but you will have to make that choice. 

I can see why so many hide their illness.  I've decided I won't. 

Now, this could backfire on me big time if Ron died and I was looking for another job.  But I am willing to take the chance. 

Would I still be "out" if I knew?  I don't know. 

I feel like a bitch even saying this.  But it is something you should know before you run around bleating your diagnosis to everyone: some are going to use it against you. 

Ron seldom does that, thank God.  When he does I laugh at him. 

About my day: I had a hard time "going under" last night when I went to sleep.  I just couldn't sleep deeply.  It was very frustrating and I woke up exhausted. 

I took a shower (did my God Time later), got dressed in a black t-shirt and jeans, with my steel toed sneakers.  They have purple shoelaces I installed myself. 

We got there early and I got to work.  I discovered a ripped open box of candy and I counted it.  I had 23.  Supposed to have 24.  I'm sure whoever took it said "It's only one, they can afford it..."

Then I had my exciting encounter with Mr Ignorant.  I can't believe people still dismiss anything I say because I have mental illness.  I'm stable.  I'm, for all intents and purposes, "normal".  I am probably more observant than unmedicated people. 

But ignorance abounds and we have to deal with it, like it or not.  I'm just glad he's not a family member.  All my family, whatever you want to say, were very supportive of my diagnosis and medication, although my sister said "Lithium stopped working for Mom".  Yeah, most likely because she stopped taking it.  Lithium has never "stopped working" for me in the last 10 years. 

Mom was only diagnosed the last 9 years of her life, so she could have had a much better quality of life had she been responsible. 

One last thought, if you really think I am dangerous and unstable, why would you go out of your way to antagonize me?   Don't you think I'll come after you? 

[snort] 

If I had a list, and I don't, that guy would not be anywhere near the top. 

The repairman came and corrected the issues I had.  Good.  He will bring an additional part later this week. 

Then we left.  We came home, I ate some pizza and took a nap.  I got a pretty good nap but was awakened by banging from next door.  They are apparently still working on the air conditioner.

If they had paid a couple hundred dollars for a professional install, it would have been done on Saturday.  Always a bad idea to hire the guy in the dirty white pickup. 

I put the blinds down so Ron can have his "privacy" (spoken in an English accent PRI-vuh-see). 

Tomorrow we do a big supply run so I need to get ready for that. 

I just hate being tired all the time.