Pills-of-the-week

Yesterday.  I wanted to go to Walmart.  That was it.

Paratransit came an hour late, left us there two hours instead of one, and on top of that, was an hour late taking us home.

Exhausted.  And I didn't even get that much (mainly soda, and some more of those inter-gum cleaners).  I did at least put in a prescription refill for all my stuff.

I'm still pretty groggy/wobbly, but I haven't run into anything the last couple days.  Good thing, that contusion on my head is still pretty tender (thank God UNDER my hair).

I looked in my Merck Manual and didn't see any post concussive symptoms, so I didn't seek help.  It hurt, but not as bad as a migraine.  The headache ran off about 36 hours post injury and the contusion's only tender when I touch it (so don't!). 

Speaking of, no headaches since I started my period.  I have a menstrual cup in my hospital bag so I got another.  So far about 3 oz (or 90 ml).  Cramps, for me, are really only bad on the first heavy day, or day two (generally) of the cycle.  My cycle has been pretty variable lately.  It's been 3 and a half weeks since the last one.

I have spotting before, or spotting after...alternating lengths between cycles.  I am done with fertility.  I really am.  I am not having kids with any man (unless, God forbid, I got raped).

But Heather, I hear, you're not even 41.  Yeah, well, I had ovarian surgery about 20 years ago, and "We did a lot of cutting".  That changes the game.  Not to mention: hormones in our food. 

Again, I am FINE with this.  I am really sick of wondering about my cycle, trying to plan things around my cycle, telling Ron "Sorry, not for another couple days", etc.

The menstrual cup does make it a lot easier.  If you are a woman in your fertile years I'd really suggest you try one out.  For the price of a couple boxes of tampons, you can buy a really good quality cup that will last you 10+ years.

Anyway, I'm doing what I can.

I was glad I had yesterday off, as that was the "heavy" day.  It usually is.  Lately, the super-heavy cycles seem to be passing.

At any rate, I did steal a couple of Ron's iron tablets and stuck them in my pills-of-the-week organizer.  They can't hurt and I want to be at the top of my game.

As we approach Procedure Day, I find myself more anxious.  I cried a little today listening to "Stand by Me", but this one gets me blubbering:

How strong should I be?

Do I continue to spill my guts, online?  I think.

In person?  No.  Just think, you're in the elite.

I figure if anyone wants to know how I really feel, they know where to look.

I'm not sleeping as well as I used to, but I am sleeping a little better.  Either the industrial stuff nearby has been extra loud (Ron said it woke him up one night), or someone's being a butthead with a car stereo.  I think the former, maybe a little of the latter.

"We need to charge up as much as we can" I told Ron "Because we have no idea what to expect, the next couple weeks."  He agreed.  So, we have been taking long naps when possible and going to bed early.

I have a very bad habit during crisis.  I run myself exhausted and don't sleep as long as I should.  On some level I suppose I think it helps manage the anxiety.   I do know I'm too tired to be anxious.

I've been getting upset about stuff that has nothing to do with Ron, just because I don't want to look at it directly.  My Dad spent basically a college education on therapy during my teen years, I like to think it helped.

We worked today, stocked everything.  I contacted "the boss" about switching the life insurance beneficiary.  The state program has a small policy in his name.

At the time, Ron didn't think I was the staying kind.  He named his parents, and then his brother, as beneficiaries and said "They will take care of you".

Uh, no.  They didn't.

Since I know what they'll do if Ron's policy falls in their lap (keep it), I wanted Ron to "fix" that.  They are fine on their own, have been since they tried to dump him in a nursing home and stab me in the back in the process.

I forgive them, but I don't want them rewarded, either.

Ron agrees.

So, she actually came out within 20 minutes (I was shocked!), and said she would make sure this was fixed.  Good.  Ron told her, himself, he wants me to get the policy.

I know I look like a mercenary bitch, but my whole career is tied up in our business, which will end when he does, because it's a BLIND vending program.  The next vendor might be a decent person, might hire me to help (doubtful), but most likely I will be out on my butt, in the gutter, after the transition.  God will take care of me.

God can take care of me better if I have what's mine, in my pocket.  [snort]  See, this is the kind of stuff I focus on to divert myself from "Ron could die, real quick, if this is bad".

Seriously, though, I HAVE given 15 years to this business.  I don't think it's unreasonable.  

She was very understanding.  I'm sure gossip is all over the program (about 100 vendors, and maybe 10 support staff).   She gave me a hug and gave us a review while she was there anyway. 

I was so glad I had just stocked everything. 

We came home.  I took a nap.  With Biscuit.  I think he knows I can use it, he's been giving me extra cuddles lately.

I've been giving him Fancy Feast, too.  :)

He's a lot of fun, Biscuit.

We went out to fast-food dinner (Ron has to fast tomorrow).  When I came home I found my Bible Promise books had arrived.  That was nice.

I had a couple of hot flashes today.  Walmart is using a new Wellbutrin generic.  It doesn't "make" the headaches but it does cause hot flashes.  Either that or it's hormonal, either way I can't fix it.

I came in, hot and sweaty.  Gravy was on the kitty condo by the front door, about head level.  I leaned in next to him and baby talked.

He leaned forward, smelling of fish, and gently licked my entire nose.  He's a good boy.

"I lick you too!" I replied, with delight.  I tell him that when he grooms me.  Licking is his love language.

I finally got my God Time, got online, and am somewhat watching the debates with Ron tonight.  He is carrying on like it's a football game.