Increasing

We went to work today. 

We have to make a living, regardless of what's happening.  In fact, we'll need more money to pay for his treatment. 

The machines were wiped out.  I made sure to tell a couple of big gossips Ron was just diagnosed with a tumor in his colon. 

I helped Ron as much as I could, which, according to him, was a lot. 

We, however, desperately need to make a supply run and big stock before he has his colonoscopy.  He will talk to the truck guy about that. 

I am somewhat uncomfortable with the truck guy, alone.  He has told Ron a lot.  Ron was Not Happy. 

Me, even less, when I heard. 

So, we need a supply run.  I stocked literally everything I had into snacks.  Good news, I'll have plenty of room for the new inventory. 

We came home, I took a nap.  More nightmares, a thunderstorm (they never bother me). 

We're going to get dinner, nothing fancy, just fast food.  I will run by a Dollar store and a possible ethnic grocer.  I'll have to see how much time I have. 

I had a cry earlier.  I have a huge resistance to weeping; to me it symbolizes lack of symptom control.  Not to mention everyone in my life would say "Oh, God, there she goes again."  So, I'm pretty resistant, but I did feel better after.  Of course, I did have to clean my face, blow my nose, etc. 

I had to help Ron, again, but I'm OK with that.  He does understand I will help him as much as I can, if I'm not doing something else, and, to his credit, he tries "not to bother me". 

I just have to accept I will be increasing the caregiving in days to come, no matter what happens.