Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Who's to say

Today was a little rough. 

I got to sleep until 6, took my shower, (God Time later), and went to the warehouse.  We got a few things, went to work, and stocked.  Sales are, as expected, dead. 

Happily Ron and I can live cheap, and we can use a little time off. 

I was NOT happy when I left our area and was confronted with a huge photo of the EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH: the man who ran over my husband.  I had to look at him smirking at the camera.  It is a large photo. 

It is, unfortunately, right next to the doors to the lunchroom, so I'm stuck looking at him for the duration. 

Like I said, Not Happy.  Am I pissed?  No.  More hurt at constant reminders of the worst pain in my life (Ron isn't the only one who suffered), reminders that the guy "got away with it" - walking around with everything working, never charged (because the officer stole money from Ron as he lay in the road), driving an even bigger truck now, still just as bad a driver (he almost took out the other blind vendor not long ago, as he recklessly drove a forklift around a corner at a high rate of speed), seemingly having learned NOTHING from all that pain we endured. 

I am also sick of reminders popping up in my face like some kind of demented jack-in-the-box.  I just want to forget it.  However, I'm not allowed to forget.  I either fall over him in the hallway, he nearly runs over us with the damned forklift, I see him driving his truck, he comes over to us and makes jokes as he looks at Ron in the wheelchair, always with that damned smirk.  That's all just this year. 

Ugh.  I ranted for a bit, at Ron (poor man, bad enough he's run over, now I'm going to bitch about the driver).  I finally decided I would put a VENDOR OF THE MONTH photo next to the "employee" one, with a photo of Ron in his wheelchair.  If we have to look at you, you have to look at us.  

It's a nice thought.  Will I do anything?  No, of course not.  I just avoid him if at all possible because it's entirely possible I'd shout at him.  I wouldn't get physical, worst case just yell at him.  God has gotten me from wanting to kill him, to wanting to beat him with a pipe, to wanting to shout at him (not usually these days), to just wanting to avoid him.  I hope to pass that one day and view the man with complete indifference.

I don't like that seeing one person can mess up my whole day like that. 

Will I put up Ron's photo?  Will I deface the driver's?  No. 

At the core of it, he has to live with knowing he put a man in a wheelchair.  I did see him flinch when looking at Ron, recently, so I think he feels a lot more than he lets on. 

He doesn't realize, it would be a lot easier for me if he did let on that he felt bad about it. 

But then, [shrug] who's to say he even wants me to feel better? 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

surely he does Heather and I know you know he does I am sorry you have to see this every day. But glad you have a safe place to rant.

I can't fix what's wrong with him.

I slept OK, once I got to sleep, and woke up right about the time of my alarm clock.  It hadn't been set properly, apparently.  I got ...