Saturday, December 27, 2014

Brains in the blender

A week of having snarling pitbulls in my head, frayed to the last nerve, extremely irritable, helpless, accellerated, volatile, and just plain evil.... I finally figured it out. 

Curse you fish oil!  This all started when you did!  Oh!  I could have saved myself all of that, and looking like an ass in front of the neighbors, online, etc. 

Ron, however, says, complete sincerity in his voice "You weren't that bad.  You had all that going on?  I had no idea."  I feel he was just being too generous but he doesn't lie about my moods. 

Oh, I am exhausted.  Absolutely exhausted.  Not more than a little embarrassed as well, and terrified.  It is so easy to mess me up. 

A simple over the counter remedy, heartburn pills, second generation antihistamines, anti-nausea drugs, all of it can put my brains in the blender.  People wonder why I "don't take anything" for the migraines - the most common drug makes me freak out, too. 

I can't even take Excedrin because the caffeine makes me manic!  When depressed, I might take a dose or two over the course of the day, but manic it's horrendous. 

When I started the fish oil, it took a day to become manic.  I am hoping, once I stop the fish oil, it will only take a day to switch out into something resembling a baseline mood. 

Depression even, would be better than this. 

Oh, I have been through hell. 

Some of you may wonder why I "put up with" Ron.  He's very disabled.  Has a head injury.  Enjoys making horrifying and inappropriate comments.  Eats like a barbarian and has to be dragged into the bath.  He drinks, every night.  Has the occasional blackout.  "Works you like a dog" - Ron's words, not mine. 

But he wasn't fazed, in the least bit, by all this crap. 

That scores big points. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you can not say he is unfazed because whenever you are sick he hammers you about being "flawed" calls you horrible names and makes fun of your mental illness in public. He is fazed. You have combat fatigue is what I am seeing. He is very fazed and uses your illness against you. You go out for a day and what does he do to support that? Honey it is fine the life you chose but do not try to cover it up and it would not hurt you to get another dose of alanon fi you could find a convenient one because this is going to get worse before it gets better. I am sorry I will step away for a bit. I have to when you guys get like this..contrary to what you may think I like it better when your posts are boring too …it means you are not suffering as much

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