Friday, December 19, 2014

How it works

Depression, eating me alive. 

Days off are really bad for that.  I don't have the structure I do at work; so I'm glad I work tomorrow.  It's actually Truck Day. 

That will keep me plenty busy. 

Today I did alright, I got up.  Torbie, sleeping in my bed, kept poking me with a paw as she groomed herself.  I decided that ought to be my wakeup.  8 AM is plenty "late" for a woman who gets up at 4 and 5. 

I took a shower, did my God time, ate a muffin and took my pills.  I made the muffins last night.  They are pretty awful, dry and flavorless.  They do work for taking medication, though. 

I watched "Supernatural" - parts of it, and did a load of laundry.  I had already done the dishes from last night. 

Ron slept pretty much all day, and read a Nora Roberts book.  I was an avid reader my whole life, but my comprehension is pretty awful these days. 

Ron keeps suggesting books for me to read, and I keep reminding him that's not really possible anymore.  I can read nonfiction books, and fiction I've already read (I love to reread books), but new fiction is just "too hard". 

He won't accept it.  I think it upsets him that I have to make so many sacrifices to be "sane".  He doesn't like to think of me suffering in any way, so he just denies I have the problem.  He currently acts as though I "don't want" to read anymore. 

Pretty ironic, considering my grandmother was a librarian. 

He finally finished it tonight, and swears up and down it is "really good".  "Northern Lights" if you're interested.  He is pretty happy reading his Nora Roberts - he had them send him everything they had.  Well, 10 books at a time. 

I didn't do much.  I did manage a nap but I had a nightmare about a catastrophic accident.  I was pretty happy to get up. 

I am a little curious about #6.  He has a construction business, and has taken this week off.  Yesterday she went shopping for Christmas presents.  I could hear the front door banging open and closed with every trip to the SUV.  He stayed at home (with the toddler and newborn). 

I think things must be tight, she went shopping for groceries (yes, I am the original nosy neighbor, but I only noticed because she got home when I did), after the 15th (payday).  Went shopping for the Christmas presents also. 

So, if money's tight, why'd he take the week off?  The kids are out of school next week.  He took Thanksgiving week off last month, but then his wife was due at any moment. 

I admit, I would love (if I weren't depressed) to take a week off now and then, but that will never happen with our business. 

If money is tight, it does make me wonder why he is taking so much time off?  No jobs?  Or not looking?   Doesn't he have bills to pay with 6 kids, two cars, and a mortgage? 

I just hope I can get some sleep next week.  Hopefully the new baby will put an end to the worst of their antics. 

Usually, if they don't have a newborn, they have an all-night party on Christmas Eve.  It is a really awful tradition, in my opinion.  Christmas is about peace on earth, love, and reverence for Jesus.  It's not about getting drunk and blasting your polkas at maximum volume. 

Ugh. 

So, I hope either 1.  Newborn baby or 2.  Bad weather will put paid to it.  Last year they were quieter than usual due to extremely cold weather.  They had to congregate in the house. 

I admit, I'm unreasonable.  I don't want to know my neighbors exist when I'm sitting in my house.  Stop laughing.  [snort]  I know, unreasonable. 

That's why I would have loved to live out in the country, but from what I have seen a lot of the lots (no pun intented) have a short distance between homes!  They have length, but not very wide. 

Anyway, I get very negative when I'm depressed.  God will work it out somehow. 

I'm just so tired. 

Today I was whining (internally) to God.  It's not fair.  I have so much, I can't take everything.  I had a thought, remembering that Omega 3's have a reputation for helping with depression. 

Well, Ron needed some glucosamine anyway, I went ahead and reordered, adding some good quality fish-oils to the mix. 

From what I read 2 grams a day of EPA should do the trick.  Always talk to your doctor, blah, blah. 

I'll let you know how it works. 

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