Crispy dead

I have had some horrible problems with anxiety lately. 

I catch myself worrying about everything.  The battle is exhausting. 

I don't want to live that way.  So how do I fix it? 

That's a good question.  I contemplate eliminating all my diet drinks, only drinking water and milk.  However I work with diet drinks.  It's going to be very hard to say no when I'm tired, thirsty, and Ron offers me a beverage. 

God love him, his short term memory is awful.  He will forget. 

Ron, by the way, has been massively appreciative lately.  I don't need much; and that helps.  Like I said, God worked on him. 

I just wish he had rethought the eating the jar of peanut butter.  I found a horrific mess all over his clothes.  I keep telling him "Get naked". 

I'm sorry.  Now you have a horrible vision in your head, Ron, naked, eating peanut butter out of a jar while sitting in his wheelchair. 

He does say his back is doing a little better.  He's not completely upright but he can stand, almost upright, for longer periods of time. 

While he drinks every day, he's generally not awful.  Today he was just a little "thick".   Anyway, I won't throw rocks.  I got pretty depressed. 

Interestingly enough, when I'm sick, I revert to a normal mood.  I feel terrible physically, but OK mentally.  Then it goes back when I'm on the mend. 

My gum thing is finally healing up, but I also sprouted 2 cysts.  One is on the mend, the other isn't ready.  I really believe that's how I manifest the family immune problem.  Skin problems can be common. 

Don't get me wrong, I have problems maybe several times a year, worst one's the size of a quarter (I had a whopper on my chest in August), they resolve in a week or so on their own. 

Huh.  I just looked up cysts on wikipedia. 

1.  Chocolate cyst (bleeding cyst on right ovary)
2.  Dental cyst (dentist didn't get the whole tooth during extraction when I was 12)
3.  Dermoid cyst (icky cyst on left ovary)
4.  Skin cysts. 

I'm thinking it might be a good idea to start washing (and I take a shower every day!) with some antibacterial soap.  I seem to do better when I do that. 

In the meantime, the home remedies I was doing for the gum problem also work for the infections, and preventing infection (I have met some hacking snifflers lately, worries me). 

So. 

Last night #2 had some friends over.  One of them played some loud music as he left.  I was mildly weary, but figured God would handle it. 

I wear my Santa hat to work every day, during Christmas.  #2 and #6 were both leaving about the same time I expected my ride. 

For the record, there's always someone home on my block, it's not like we all leave at the same time. 

Anyway, today we actually were leaving the same time.  Since they both had idling cars, talking, etc, I couldn't hear our ride. 

I went out, thinking nothing of the Santa hat.  I tend to be pretty terse around the neighbors.  I just worry if I don't have good walls they might take advantage. 

Anyway, they got a look at me, started grinning, and pointed me out to the other family members who might have missed it.  #6 actually stopped the van and gaped at me.  I waved.  He waved back and grinned.  I congratulated him on the new baby. 

I guess I blew my cover.  Mrs. #6 has heard me talking to the cats so she knows I'm a softy. 

We went to the warehouse, and got the supplies.  It's a good thing I got the Coke, 'cause we needed it.  It's, like, the only soda we sold.

Maybe it's the Santa on the can.

We were kidding around about my old bed.  With the damage, it looks like we had an EPIC night.  I told Ron people are going to be saying "Damn, he's in a wheelchair and he did that...."

We agreed it's probably better to disassemble, and then take it out to the curb.  No one will understand it was just an accident.

I am certain Ron did not intend to break the bed, when it happened.  It was the furthest thing from his mind.  I'm just glad I did land on the bed when he tackled me (it could have been really ugly for me, otherwise).

If you didn't know - Ron, during a blackout, broke a glass lamp in my bedroom.  I pulled him away from the broken glass.  He got violent, it ended up with him tackling me onto the bed and breaking the spine of the bed (I was bruised but OK).  

That was the end of Ron drinking Everclear (nearly 100% pure alcohol).  If I'd hit my head on the bed ....

So, I like the mattress, we have a new bed base coming (only $100 with shipping!).  It has an easy set up and 3000 good reviews.  I'm looking forward to it.

Ron likes to help, and he can break up the old bed.  I'd like to keep the headboard.  The rest can get taken apart and left out for the garbageman.  Who knows, we might even get a hoarder come by and take it.

I had someone in the neighborhood who always took the dead plants I left at the curb.  And these were crispy dead.   Pretty much any old junk finds a home with someone. 

According to the TV shows, one person in a hundred is a hoarder.  Both Ron and I have the tendency, but we're pretty much a level one.  Levels of hoarding

I think, like any other problem, admitting it is the first step, watching, being vigilant.  For instance, I will clean the litter boxes before I go to bed. 

Vacuum?  My Bad.  I will get on that. 

Worst case we can hire a guy to get rid of it.  We have tons of junk haulers in our local free paper. 

Our yard guy would probably do it. 

So, I have plenty of pillows, but I did catch myself eyeing some memory foam pillows at the store.  I don't think I need them.  I just love tons of pillows. 

I was talking about that with Ron: I don't wear jewelry, I have simple hair.  I don't wear makeup.  My only accessory a purple framed pair of glasses.  I have a couple pairs of shoes. 

I do need to replace my sneakers. parts of the sole were falling off during my last handout.  I also want a new pair of work shoes, the old ones are getting a little loose.  I can clean up the work shoes and donate them.  The sneakers?  Only a hoarder would want them. 

So, I'll probably go to Academy Sports.  I love shopping there.  Sadly, I am too fat for the clothing but the shoes are great.  I can find some good shoes, for cheap.  I would also like some more wool socks.  My old ones got a moth. 

Well, maybe on the wool socks.  I'll have to think about it. 

Ron can take me later this week. 

Anyway, my indulgences are pretty limited to a whole lot of diet fruit punch, plenty of pillows on my bed, and my 2 cats.  I'm not a clothes hog.  My black t-shirts flatter my complexion.  I have a couple pair of comfy jeans, and plenty of underwear. 

Happily, I have a sweet, fat, Torbie nearby. 

She slept with me last night, again, too, and during my nap today. 

I feel rich.