Fish you

Ugh, it's nice to feel a little better. 

[shaking my fist] Curse you fish oil!  Fish you! 

Ron has been pretty awesome.  We went to lunch with my aunt and uncle and he swore he really didn't notice any changes in my mood. 

"Maybe" I shared "I'm better at masking my symptoms than I thought."  

I slept in and woke up around 8 with a mild headache.  Half asleep, I took some Excedrin.  Not a bright idea when I'm manic. 

However, I was winding down so I was OK.  I couldn't sleep anymore.  I finished "A Street Cat Named Bob".  It's a very sweet book.  James, Bob's human, certainly went through the wringer.  So did Bob! 

I took my shower and did part of my God Time.  My thoughts weren't in a place where I felt my prayers would be worthwhile. 

I downloaded a couple of books (one free, one $3) to my Kindle.  I'll have some good reading for a while now.  I could tell I wasn't really manic when "just" two books sounded fine. 

My paternal grandmother was a librarian.  I think she would have loved a Kindle (she died a month after Ron's accident). 

Speaking of, my aunt and uncle came and got us.  It was very cold (for Houston, in the low 40's), overcast, and drizzly.  It wasn't very windy but otherwise pretty miserable. 

Ron took the walker and did well.  We had a good lunch and conversation. 

My aunt told me we have yet another "crazy" relative.  One of my second cousins was psychotic bipolar.  She was always "off" but got worse as she grew older.  She died a few years back. 

Now another relative, on the other side of the family, has become paranoid and delusional.  This person sent my aunt a very bizarre Christmas card. 

My aunt is one of those "made of sugar" people.  I have never seen her ugly to anyone, ever.  Never gossips.  Before my wedding, she opened her home to so many people they were sleeping on the floor.  Not everyone took her up on the offer but she was more than willing. 

A few nights after Ron's accident, she dragged me home from the hospital, gave me a nightgown, washed my clothes, returned them, and tucked me into her pull-out under a quilt my grandmother made.  Then she arranged for a friend to give me a ride to the hospital the next morning. 

Safe to say, she is one of my favorite people.  She was also my escape hatch the few times Ron has been threatening during a blackout.  They came and got me, 3 times, and put me up for a few days until Ron came back to himself. 

If anything, I worry they do too much.  I really worry about me, or someone else, taking advantage, but she also has really good boundaries. 

At any rate, I found it very funny when I mentioned crazy running in the family.  She grinned at me, patted my shoulder, and said "Both sides of your Dad's family and God knows what on your mother's.  You never had a chance, Heather!" 

True!  [laughing]  Happily, I seem to be the only "mental" in my generation.  All of her boys are very stable and nearly all are happily married with children.  My uncle adopted special needs and traumatized children, so it's hard to say there, but his biological daughter is pretty normal.  I'm my Dad's only biological child. 

I'm glad no one else deals with this.  I wouldn't wish it on an enemy and my Dad's family are pretty awesome. 

We had an excellent lunch.  We came home and did a little gift exchange, and I showed off my "new" bed.  They were happy for me.  The cats were friendly, but not overly so. 

Overall, a good time. 

That's two "date nights" in a row with Ron.  It's really important to get quality time with him when I can, because so much of our time revolves around daily living, work, etc.  We don't often have the time to focus on just each other. 

I know some of you think 1.  I have my head up my ass  or 2.  I am a hopeless romantic, regarding Ron.  I think I'm pretty realistic. 

In the time I did spend at Al-anon, and the books I was able to read (most of them just talked about the excellence of the program, which didn't impress me at my local location), I did learn it's important to enjoy the good times, to value the highlights in a personality. 

It's important not to take the drinking personally.  For whatever reason, it's how they cope. 

I had enough of an experience with pain pills, before an operation, to scare the crap out of myself.  In my case God gave me the good common sense to flush them when I realized I had a problem.  After 2 weeks I was liking them a little too much.  I was also still taking them as directed but probably not for long, had I continued. 

I can see why someone would want to ingest a substance so they don't feel anymore, and I think that's a lot of what drives Ron.  He is in physical pain.  He has issues. 

I'm not stupid. I know what he can do.  I know he is going to drink every day, for now.  I know, on occasion, he will be completely obnoxious and repellent.   I know he often resorts to verbal abuse. 

I know, most of the time, he is not like that. 

I did get him to agree to see a dentist.  "It's going to be a crown" he told me.  "Half the back molar is gone".  That must have been one horrendous blackout. 

"A crown is $300" (with our discount plan) I told him.  "A root canal is over a thousand!"  He gulped.  "I'll make the appointment." 

That's on my list of things I wish Ron would do; take better care of his teeth.  I really don't want to "fool" with his dentures.  I've heard that's pretty awful. 

I have hereditary gum disease and ferocious dry mouth, but I brush regularly and take mineral supplements.  For now, I'm fine. 

[sigh]  And that was my day.