Friday, December 26, 2014

Make it stop!

Today was just awful. 

I'll start with the icepick at my brainstem, waking me up around midnight.  Oh, it was hellish.  I was already manic and not sleeping well after telling the neighbors to stay out of my yard (again!). 

Unlike my typical migraine, this one started right under my occipital bone, right above my spinal cord.  For a minute I wondered if I had another health problem. 

When I had good health insurance, and a lot of migraines, they used to to the "headache neuro check" to make sure I wasn't having an infectious process, or a stroke.  I ran through that really quick and realized I had nothing to worry about. 

I laid in bed for a while, battling, my thoughts roaring like a waterfall.  The mania was as bad as the headache, which rated as a good 8 on a 1-10. 

Why didn't I go to the hospital?  Obscene copays.  And this ain't my first rodeo.  I have had hundreds of migraines in my life, especially lately, thank you menopause. 

I can't imagine anything worse than sitting in a waiting room with a horrific migraine, for hours.  I'd rather die at home! 

I took some excedrin.  Generic.  It took some of the edge off but I didn't sleep much for the rest of the night.  4 hours to the minute found me taking another dose. 

As I told the other vendor, later in the day "I've had 8 Excedrin just since midnight".  I need to find a new analgesic. 

Caffeine is explosive as regards a mania.  I mean, apocalyptic.  I was freaking out, it felt like 5 savage pit bulls fighting it out in my head, all day long.  Add to that the feeling of extreme anxiety, fatigue, physical pain, and profound desperation to make it stop!  

Horrific.   I wouldn't wish it on an enemy.

Did I get some bad lithium?  I have to wonder.  I feel like it's a sugarpill.  If this continues I will get my level tested (In Texas, I can just walk into certain labs, wave some money, and say "Gimmie a lithium level, please")  It does involve a blood draw but in my experience the lab "girls" are excellent. 

When I donated blood, they would tie my arm tightly, slap it abusively, and get in there with a wide bore needle.  The lab girls are very polite.  I always tell them "You have to tie it up and slap it, no, tighter, be mean to it!" as we laugh.  Once I've lost the feeling in my fingers she can get a good stick.  "Oh, there it is!" 

I have an elusive vein. 

Anyway, I'll figure out the lithium thing.  If it's not the lithium level maybe we can add some more Depakote.  We have a lot of mood stabilizers in the woodshed, to give this mood a good beating! 

Ugh.  Horrific. 

I am so glad I never had children.  I would hate to watch them suffer with this. 

That's one good thing I remember about my birth mother.  When she was diagnosed bipolar (at 48!) she begged my Dad and adoptive Mom to get me checked out.  She didn't want me to suffer, unmedicated, the way she had.  I think she'd be pretty proud of my commitment to medication and a boring lifestyle. 

Good news, today was supposed to be truck day, but the truck was acting up.  Thank you Jesus I didn't have to load 40 some cases in and out of the truck, onto the carts, up the ramp, etc, with the migraine.  I would have done it, but oh, it would have sucked. 

I also had a nice sleep with Torbie last night.  She laid down with me during my nap today, and I had a pretty good one considering I'm manic. 

I was able to to my God Time when I got up, so I did.  The girls (cats) hung out with me and got treats. 

Ron was very supportive and kept the negativity to a minimum, drank a little, and is sleeping. 

I'm listening to music with the headphones on so I don't disturb him. 

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