Wednesday

 I got pretty hammered with depression today.  I did do my God Time, took 2 showers (more in a minute), and washed my quilt and bedding.  I got my grocery delivery and put it away.  They upgraded me on my toilet paper, sending me a package twice the size of what I ordered and paid.  Nice.  It has been my experience I get a better delivery if I do it during the week, in the morning.  I got everything else.  

I wasn't very hungry, too grieved to eat... but I had a protein shake, some chicken, chips, and a nutrigrain bar.  I took everything as directed, yay me.  The cats were very sweet and cuddly.  

I am happy I have stuff to eat now, especially things for my work lunches.  When I am on lunch I want to plant my butt in a chair and stay put.  I don't want to go get food.  At least now I don't.  Before, 20 years ago, I liked going out and getting a lunch but now I am more sedentary on my break/lunch.  So I have things like yogurt and fruit cocktail in juice.  

I like to do my prayer time outside sitting in the yard.  But mosquitoes are really bad.  BUT I bought a can of bug spray today (deet, the stuff you spray on your skin), I put that on before I did that but I was thinking...I don't really want this on my skin, or rubbing off on the bedding.  So I took a shower after.  

I will need to use my bug spray tomorrow before work as I will be standing at the bus stop.  And that is right in the middle of mosquito land.  I don't have to get eaten alive to know it's going to be harsh, if I don't use the bug spray.  And I suppose I can take a shower when I get home as I don't like the thought of bug spray all over my bedding.  I don't care about cats in the bed but I sure object to that.  

Today was just a hard day.  I guess I always figured if Ron died I would sob a lot and be prostrate with grief.  It didn't work out that way, but some days at home are just very hard.  I have to think that will get better.  

It was sunnier today which helped.