Ron would be happy I'm sleeping better. I got up around 7 this morning, I plan to make that my set wakeup time unless the manager has me working early shifts. So I got up, did some housework. I had to at least sweep the floor so I did that, cleaned the bathroom. I took my shower (I like to shower after the housework) and did my God time. Happy about that.
Biscuit has been occupying my computer chair so he had it most of the day. He's so adorably indignant when I try to move him. My aunt is going to bring me another folding chair so I can just move his chair and put another.
Ron's memory is fading, I am losing some memories and that is probably a good thing as a lot of it wasn't very good at the end. One thing I find funny now, he had some problems at the end with bowels. He had disposable products he used to help with that. And when I would clean him up he would always ask me how big it was, tell me how it felt coming out, etc. Then he would thank me a couple times as I finished. But I have to laugh when I remember him lying there on his side and asking me "How big is it?" Good times.
He was very easy at the end, actually. I had to do a lot more for him (he generally had feeding himself down if it was a solid food), drinking water (and vodka!), etc. but needed help with bath, dressing, toilet, etc. I was OK with that and I can stand here and say I did not shirk my duties. I didn't make him feel bad about needing help, either. That is good to know. And he was very appreciative, the more he needed, the nicer he was, so that made it more enjoyable too.
It is funny to see how much less garbage I am putting out every week. He generated quite a bit as it turns out. Now that it's just me it is pretty much one 13 gallon trash bag a week. The trash guys must love me now that I cleaned out all Ron's stuff.
It was a pretty rough month for the trash guys back in March with me getting rid of the table, bookcase, dresser, and carpet, not to mention bags and bags of assorted junk. But that's all gone (junk pickers got most of it). The usable stuff got donated.
I was very happy to throw out the flash drives with porn.
Speaking of perverts his "old friend" changed his number to get me to pick up a few weeks ago. So I put both numbers in my phone book so I can avoid the calls. There is just no point in talking to those guys, I have nothing in common with them aside from Ron. I already told them how he died. They just want gossip fodder. No thanks.
"What was his mood the week before he died?" Tired. But I didn't say that. He did sound great right before he died and I hang onto that.
I am leaning more, now that I have a job, towards letting everyone go to voicemail and then sorting through that later when I have the time. I just don't need people hassling me when I'm trying to get to work, at work, etc. Work has a policy you can have a phone and use it, BRIEFLY, as long as it doesn't interfere with your work duties, but I don't plan to make/take any personal calls at work. I might play my word game or solitare on my break. Whatever it is, it can wait.
And I don't want Ron's old friends thinking they have "rights" to me. There is a reason he wasn't close to them.
So not a horrible day. It was raining but nothing like last night. Oh, I have to tell you about last night. I have my old cell phone it works on wifi for music and google but not for calls. The messaging feature died on it so I had to get a new phone. I had the new phone off. The old one started yelling about a tornado warning right after I went to bed. It was pretty calm out, though, so I didn't see the excitement. then about 15 minutes later the storm cell came through, it was pretty violent with wind and torrential rain. I unplugged my phone and computer.
And I remember thinking "OK God I am ready to see Ron but not dying in a tornado, please". I thought that was funny as a "real" widow would of course be happy to see her loved one no matter what. But I don't want to go that way if I can avoid it.
Most likely going to be my heart based on family history. It is drizzling now but not awful. Hopefully it won't be too bad tomorrow, they say it will rain but only God knows how bad. I do have my trusty poncho.
I had some tuna salad earlier (and made some for tomorrow's lunch). I need another meal I am hungry. I also need to weigh myself my appetite has been pretty erratic, I'm either not hungry or I only want about half what I normally do. That has got to affect my weight. And I am not bringing home chips, jars of frosting, etc. for "emotional support" either because Ron would not want me blowing myself up to 300 pounds.
And honestly, I spend enough time at Walmart without a long leisurely shopping trip. Plus no place really to put it in the break room, and when I am off at 10 I like to get out there and see Larry so I can head home.
I do plan to get a grocery delivery next week. But I have enough food for now.
That's it for now.
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