Very early Wednesday

 Didn't sleep well last night.  Kept waking up.  Featuring nightmares about drowning...woke up early and just got up.  

1.  I used to have health insurance with Blue Cross.  They are being sued for ripping people off and I filed a claim, hopefully I will get something.  They have a large fund to pay settlements.  God knows I could use it.  Over the years they would send me random checks for no discernable reason I always deposited them, and they were good.  I feel like they owe me some money as I was paying over $500 a month - money I could not afford and could have gone into a fund for times like this - but hindsight is 20/20.  Am I a litigious person?  No.  Will I take a settlement?  Yes.  

2.  I am on Nextdoor, I don't have the app but I do get notices when something happens in my area.  Woman on there asking for money, someone died in a car wreck and "insurance didn't give us enough money for the funeral".  When Ron got hurt minimum insurance paid $20K.  [Edit: looked it up, legal minimum is 30K for personal injury now]  That is plenty enough money to dispose of a body.  Unless you want the lavish funeral with the doves and the fancy coffin and the headstone which will all get paved over in a couple hundred years anyway.... I just gave the name of the cremation place and the price ($800), said his urn cost $86 with tax from Amazon.  But if they are Catholic they are "not allowed" to cremate.  Which is stupid.  We all turn to ash/dust eventually I had NO problem cremating Ron.  He also told me he did not want to be embalmed so that didn't happen.  I was very happy to sign the form to cremate when I saw it said "I understand [loved one] will NOT be embalmed".  

I DO understand: everyone grieves differently.  Some people want to think of the loved one in a satin coffin with a pillow and their favorite coffee mug.  I get that.  But think of all the money that could be saved for the living!  Especially if you are a believer "Absent from the body is home with the Lord" (Bible verse).  Ron is HOME.  It is only his ashes on the bookcase.  And yes, it does make me feel better to have the ashes around and know they are in a nice place with some candles and a portrait.  But I could afford that (with help).  

Me, I didn't want to think about Ron being embalmed, or decomposing.  I just find those concepts horrifying.  It was bad enough they had to do the autopsy.  I totally get they had to do that, but I don't like them opening his body like that.  All I will say as some of you may be (blissfully) ignorant what goes on during that.  It's icky.  

So I am glad I at least told them about cremation they may not have considered that.  My friend Larry had no idea cremation was so reasonable he was used to paying thousands per funeral.  You could cremate the loved one and (if you live in Houston) have a nice week at the finest resort in Galveston eating deluxe foods for a week to celebrate your loved one, for the cost of a traditional funeral.  I think that would be more honoring, personally.  

But that is just me and why I don't work in the funeral home industry.  And I'm cheap, I admit it.  Here I used fake flowers for my wedding bouquet and then repurposed them for Ron's little memorial corner.  

I'm done with that; next after I do this blog I will apply at some fast food places.  I can't be too proud.  Any honest work is "good" work.  It will be nice not feeling like the weight of the business is on my back, "Don't screw up, Heather, or it all comes crashing to a halt!"  It will be nice to just go in and punch my clock.  I will give them good effort during my shift of course because the Bible says to work for your boss as though working for Jesus, knowing you will please Jesus by doing so (paraphrased).  

I did NOT screw up Mother's day.  I had considered getting one of those pop up cards but didn't, I didn't want to make my aunt go to the post office twice in one day (get my mail, go to Walmart, get a card, go back to mail it).  She doesn't read this... so I went to Amazon.  She loves cardinals.  I found a cardinal tumbler for her, the double layer kind you can put an icy drink... looked really cute so I got her that.  

Interestingly enough cardinals are supposed to be emissaries from the dead letting you know the soul is thinking about you.  Curious as I have a nesting pair on my block, and see both male and female frequently.  Do I think they have anything to do with Ron?  Absolutely not.  Jesus described it as "a great gulf" between the dead and the living.  And the mediums are playing with demons not your loved one.  

But she will get something I think she can actually use.  It will last longer than flowers at least, or chocolate.  She has some food issues and I think chocolate is out anyway.  

That's it for this morning.  It is only 8 and I already did my God Time, got online.  More later.