Monday, March 7, 2011

Not everyone is a comforter

In the Bible, one of the Old Testament prophets is prophesying against Israel.  He chides them for depending on the nation of Egypt.  They will let you down, like a reed that breaks and pierces your hand. 

I have often thought of that verse when it comes to certain people.  I don't know about you, but I have a mental list. 

When something happens, who do I call?  A good example is Ron's accident.  I confided in many people.  Some were absolutely dreadful to me; slandering me to my face, spreading horrible gossip, and enganging in massive finger-pointing.  It taught me an important lesson:  Not every one is a a comforter.  They will say HORRIBLE things, even worse, BELIEVE them.  No matter what happened, it's the victims's fault.  You've met them.  I KNOW you have. 

Then you have people like my sister.  A few years ago, things went all to hell during one of Ron's drunken blackouts.  I called someone to come get me, and they did.  See, they go in the comfort box.  Then I called my sister, who's a great listener.  She does not engage in finger pointing or blame. 

I have people in my life who ought to be comforters.  They love me, don't they?  Don't they want to help me?  But they can'r.  They don't have the necessary make-up.  Maybe they have too much pain of their own; maybe they have unresolved issues.  Maybe they're just a butthead.  So, I don't lean on them.  If I do, they'll just let me fall. 

My comfort list isn't as long as I'd like, but I know everyone on my list has a heart of solid gold.  Maybe not all of them are people you'd expect, but they're THERE for me. 

Choose carefully; not everyone can give you what you need.  Even though they SHOULD. 

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