Friday, March 25, 2011

Aren't you going to help him?

I made a comment about rude and annoying people, and it reminded me of something that had happened at work today. 

I think it goes to WHY I had such a hard time, asserting myself, for so long. 

Ron uses the wheelchair at work.  He uses a "bungee rope" to connect a metal handcart to his wheelchair, then propels the whole works where he needs to go. 

Ron demands a lot at work; but he was always kind and considerate of his employees.  Unfortunately, in his eyes, I am far more "wife and lackey" than I am "employee".  The way he sees it, he drives HIMSELF every minute he's on the clock, so of course I should do the same. 

So, the natural tendendy, since I'm the "caregiver", is to run around and work myself as hard as he does.  But I'm not a workaholic.  I need a break now and then. 

One thing I've concluded is that I haven't been true to myself; and I need to be someone I can respect.  I asked myself a hard question a while back - if I worked for someone else, would I allow them to screw me out of a break, every single day? 

HELL, NO.  So, I started taking it. 

It wasn't really taken very well, but I made the point "You're not telling me you want to violate the LABOR LAWS?" and "If I were ONLY an employee, would you say that?"  Ron had to conclude I had a perfect right to a break. 

He doesn't like it, but that's just too bad. 

People look at Ron, and they see a very damaged man working.  Ron isn't an invalid.  He can certainly do his job.  I have to do the heavy lifting, get the orders, etc, but he can certainly, as he says "Put the can in the hole" (stock a soda machine). 

He has his job, I have mine.  I do my job well. 

So, today.  I had been at work for 5 hours straight.  I was starving.  I got my bag of peanuts and sat down. 

Ron decided he didn't need a break, and I think may have set this up to some extent; he came into the breakroom, in the wheelchair, dragging the cart behind him, then opened up the soda machine.  He really looked pitiful, filling the soda machine. 

I sat there, eating my peanuts.  The supervisor on break glared at me.  I kept eating my peanuts. 

He couldn't take it anymore: "AREN'T YOU GOING TO HELP HIM?" 

No, I said.  I'm on my break. 

He got a little purple around the edges and muttered something under his breath. 

"Are you on your break?"  I asked. 
Yes. 
"Do you get a break every day?" 
Yes. 
"Do you know how many breaks I have had all week?"
No. 
"This is my first break, all week." 

He shut up. 

I really think today's little incident perfectly illustrates my "problem" - there are idiots out there, who, for whatever reason, think I need to totally subjugate myself to Ron and his disabilities. 

I don't.  It's perfectly OK to say "I can't do that, and I'm going to take my break now".  The world is not going to end if I go to the grocery store and DON'T call him to see what he wants.  Gravity will not be revoked if I say "I don't have to accept your ugly talk, and I'm walking off." 

[scoff]  But try to tell THEM! 

1 comment:

Heidi said...

I think your not "enabling" Ron keeps him physically and mentally in better shape than if you catered to his every need..I am a nurse I think you know ..people who hold court and have their spouses take complete care of them end up with atrophied muscles...loose cognitive ability and become more ill ..prone to clots if they are immobile ..depressed...

Ron drinks a large amount of alcohol ..if youu also catored to everything and did not make him be physically mobile and mentally active he would end up with a plethera of health problems both mentally and physically

eventually the booze will catch up to him

but little does anyone else know your taking care of Heather keeping Heather mentally and physically well may seem selfish but is one of the single best things you cand do for Ron as well

do exactly what you are doing and Ron will at least mobility both cognative and physical

running water stays fresh ..water that does not run become stagnant and murky