"You know you can trust me"

Ron has been nothing but ugly to me, all day, with the exception of a 5 minute period when I helped him at work. 

First of all, I got up before 2 AM to help him run his business.  He was rude to the driver going to work, I am seeing that more and more.  He is really evolving into a jerk.  They say old age shows who you really were.  Ron's Dad became a very kind man, very principled.  Ron's mother fell into self-pity and actually competed with Ron for attention, after his accident.  My one grandmother was a very loving, compassionate, woman.  My other grandmother became even more hostile and paranoid. 

Ron is turning even more narcissistic, demanding, impatient, entitled, and abusive, just a really unpleasant person.  If I had met that man back in 1992 I wouldn't have talked to him, much less gone on dates.  I certainly wouldn't have married the man he is today.  There's not much to his credit, when he's like this. 

So he was rude to our first driver.  We got to work and started.  He told me to do snacks while he did his thing.  I tried to explain, it doesn't work that way.  I end up doing his work and mine and 4 times as slow, when we do it that way, because he requires constant assistance.  I could literally hire someone to follow him around and he would be needing their help every minute or two. 

Normally I don't mind, but my perspective is: let me help you first, get it all over with, no more demands on my time, energy, attention.  THEN I will work on what I need to do.  He can always go sit in the hall, it is very quiet.  No, he's the boss, we had to do it his way.  And, sure enough, he was constantly interrupting me. 

Here is an example, a row of chips holds about a dozen bags.  I could not stock one row without him asking for help.  I don't mind helping him, let me be clear on that, but stopping everything, putting down my inventory, closing the tray, shutting and locking the machine, all go "Get him a Dr Pepper" - just seems like a waste of me. 

I eventually talked him into doing it the way we normally do it "my" way, although I was smart enough not to refer to it as that.  I simply said "Let's put all the drinks on the big cart" and we got back on track. 

Our delivery (the reason we went in so early) came, and I asked Ron, in front of the delivery man, if he had asked if he had checked the business account balance so we could write the check.  Long story short, we wrote a check to Dr Pepper once, cancelled it when the checkbook was stolen, and then years later they cashed it anyway.  It came back declined and we had a hell of a fight with Dr Pepper over it. 

I didn't want that, again.  I didn't say any of that.  I just asked the question, once.  He went off on me, raving at me for being "stupid" and "retarded".  He was very ugly.  As I've said, I can take it, but it is very humiliating when he does it in front of other people.  He never did answer me so I wrote the check anyway.  I TRIED to find out.   Later on he mockingly told me we had the money. 

I made sure to fill it out correctly and even wrote our account number on the memo line.  I used to love that when I did accounting work in an office.  I try to pass it on. 

Then I got the man some snacks (I do this every time, I want to be a "good" stop), and he left.  I helped Ron with moving - he asked me to move a vending machine, which is heavy, and I did.  He was all sunshine and roses at me for about 5 minutes and then it was back to name calling, etc. 

It was just typical narcissist bullshit.  A good example, Ron went in the stockroom after the delivery man left and had an absolute tantrum "This isn't what I ordered!" 

He had me go over the invoice, line by line, counting the items.  He finally "let" me explain some of the cases had been badly damaged (3) and I had rejected them, as he's told me to do.  Then he calmed down.  I reminded him he did not want broken cases, dented cans, or sticky messes.  He agreed and that was the end of that. 

We finally went home.  He was still being ugly to me.  He did not check the weather and dressed in a thin pair of shorts and a t-shirt.  He did not want to bring a coat or anything to work because it was "warm".  Yes, it was warm this morning, but the cold front came through. 

We got home and I laid down for a little bit.  He worked on the computer.  He seems to be having more trouble working on the computer, lately.  I've talked to him about that.  It's his trade-off for pain control - he isn't as sharp. 

I got up and we got ready to get some Mexican food.  They have a special on Thursdays and Ron had a craving.  I managed to get him to wear a sweatshirt.  With the shorts.  But the fashion police wouldn't get us at this restaurant. 

We had another difficult trip.  Ron got it in his head that, for the ideal trip, he would call a regular cab to come pick him up at 11 AM.  And it was late, significantly so.  15 minutes late.  Ron was apoplectic.  He even called the cab company and verbally abused THEM.  The cab finally came.  The driver had an attitude.  Ron had an attitude.  The driver wouldn't even help me put the wheelchair in the trunk, which was full of hoarder-style crap.  That was an awful ride, pinned between them.  And then the driver wanted to talk politics. 

I was happy to get out of there.  We went into the restaurant and found our favorite waitress.  We ordered the fajita special each and the food came out quickly.  I told Ron the food had arrived, but he apparently didn't process it.  I knew something was wrong when he began complaining about "the slow service, and where's my food?"  I told him it was right in front of him and then more verbal abuse from him for "not telling him".  I did.

We came home and found the handy man in the yard.  I don't know if I told you, a small part of my trim came off, on my house, and the HOA is having seizures over it.  They have sent me a couple of very nasty letters.  So we had to fix it. 

He got to work on that while Ron and I went in the house.  He laid down for a while, oh, blessed peace.  The handyman left - he will be back tomorrow. 

Ron kept complaining about "being cold" until I turned the thermostat almost up to 90.  We took some money out of the vending machines so I counted it.  I told Ron we could run by the bank tomorrow, quickly. 

No, Ron responded, we had to go to work and get some quarters for him to deposit, then we could go to the bank.  I said I was OK with that.  I would have to wake up at 5 AM.  OK. 

Ron kept saying we could take money out of savings to go with us next week.  I simply told him I would rather take "today's" money with us instead and not stick our hand in savings.  We keep doing that, one day it's gone, and he always intends to pay it back.  I didn't say that.  I just said "I would rather go to the bank". 

He called paratransit to ask if he could have them send a large van.  When he has a jar of quarters, he can't move it, so I have to.  But he feels unmanned when I do so, and always gets angry when I move it.  Even if he asks me to move it, he still gets mad when I go it, because my body works and his doesn't.   They said no, he can't request a big van like that. 

So he went off on hours of verbal abuse and name calling.  Normally I ignore him, he gets it all out of his system, he gets drunk or whatever, and leaves me alone.  This time he kept escalating.  I finally told him I wouldn't be helping him at all if he didn't stop with the verbal abuse.  He got even worse.  I told him I wouldn't speak to him as long as he was ugly, and I didn't, except for once.  He tried every trick in the book. 

He did a lot of projecting onto me, that I was saying this and that - things I had never said.  Early on, I had tried to tell him that, but he wouldn't hear it.  So he just kept going and going. 

I only spoke to tell him, if he kept it up, he would be going out of town by himself next week.  It can be hard, at times, boundaries with a disabled person.  Things I wouldn't put up with from an able-bodied man I tolerate as his "caregiver".   "Because he needs me, and what will he do without me?"  But I was, and am, heartily sick of it. 

So he bought enough "tickets" to say "I'm not going to work tomorrow!"  "I'm not going to work on the accounting report!"  "I'm not going to be civil to Heather!"   That, I think, was the goal, to build up enough "offenses" to forgo his responsibilities. 

It's just really petty and immature.  I would say it is a head injury thing, but, like the verbal abuse, he did it before the accident.  One time he picked a fight with me and went and cheated with someone, because he was "entitled". 

As he wound down he kept saying "If you trust me..." and "You know you can trust me...."  And I laughed to myself because I cannot.  I cannot trust him to keep his pants zipped, I can't trust him to stay sober, I can't trust him to be responsible with our money, I can't trust him to be responsible with the business...  and he's the one who put us there, with me, not trusting him. 

One thing he knows he can do is trust me.  But he does not return the favor.