Holidays make it worse - he used to have family to look forward to, years ago, now the parents are dead and his sibs hate him. He gets worse, physically, every year. He "has" to rely on me, and I'm not perfect. Instead of taking it to the cross he internalizes it and the result is not pretty.
It generally ends with a lot of lashing out at me over "nothing".
I also think that part of his anger comes from the fact he won't allow himself to be angry at those who deserve it. If I am talking about the accident, and mention that Ron asked 3 different people for a ride that day, he gets very upset and shuts me down. Truth is, he asked, they said no, he is now in a wheelchair. Anger is a normal reaction.
He has always said he is "grateful to the driver who ran him over, for 'closing the deli'". Who says that? Who is grateful they were run over, put in a wheelchair, and experience agonizing pain every day? It would be, IMO, "normal" for him to be angry at the man. Yet he always treated me like a freak when *I* got angry at the man.
He has some issues with his family (I don't have permission to share) - so he should have some reasonable anger at them for how they treated him. They really treated him horribly. They treated ME horribly. Again, reasonable anger.
He has suffered physically since the accident and had a lot of losses. He can barely toilet by himself. He needs help with everything. He can't even get out of the house on his own. He is in agonizing pain every day. But he says everything is fine.
But he bottles it all up and lashes out at me, the only person who has been there for him. Because "I can take it" I assume. He just assumes he can keep dumping all this misplaced anger on me.
Oh, I wish I could get him some quality counseling, not that quack we went to back in 2005, but someone who knew what they were doing.
3 comments:
Why is he so bitter and angry? Is it the holidays that does it?
Holidays make it worse - he used to have family to look forward to, years ago, now the parents are dead and his sibs hate him. He gets worse, physically, every year. He "has" to rely on me, and I'm not perfect. Instead of taking it to the cross he internalizes it and the result is not pretty.
It generally ends with a lot of lashing out at me over "nothing".
I also think that part of his anger comes from the fact he won't allow himself to be angry at those who deserve it. If I am talking about the accident, and mention that Ron asked 3 different people for a ride that day, he gets very upset and shuts me down. Truth is, he asked, they said no, he is now in a wheelchair. Anger is a normal reaction.
He has always said he is "grateful to the driver who ran him over, for 'closing the deli'". Who says that? Who is grateful they were run over, put in a wheelchair, and experience agonizing pain every day? It would be, IMO, "normal" for him to be angry at the man. Yet he always treated me like a freak when *I* got angry at the man.
He has some issues with his family (I don't have permission to share) - so he should have some reasonable anger at them for how they treated him. They really treated him horribly. They treated ME horribly. Again, reasonable anger.
He has suffered physically since the accident and had a lot of losses. He can barely toilet by himself. He needs help with everything. He can't even get out of the house on his own. He is in agonizing pain every day. But he says everything is fine.
But he bottles it all up and lashes out at me, the only person who has been there for him. Because "I can take it" I assume. He just assumes he can keep dumping all this misplaced anger on me.
Oh, I wish I could get him some quality counseling, not that quack we went to back in 2005, but someone who knew what they were doing.
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