Friday, November 4, 2016

Work from home day

In the 10 days since he's been home, Ron has drunk a 2 liter bottle of vodka.  Not too bad, considering, but not good either. 

Not so good, overall he has been moody, depressed, and tempermental.  He's been lashing out at me, complaining constantly, and making me wonder why I was ever happy to bring him home. 

I don't feel very valued. 

However, in my opinion Christian marriage is not about how he makes me feel.  If I'm looking for him to make me feel good, even part of the time, I'm going to be let down. 

As I see it, my role in a Christian marriage (and this may get some of my atheist readers steaming) is to make God happy.  That's it.  It's not about making myself happy (I certainly don't do that by staying), or Ron happy.  It's not about making you, the reader, happy.  It's about pleasing God. 

What does God say "Love your enemies, pray for them who spitefully use you".  "Help your enemy when he asks".  So, that means, if Ron's busy raining invective down on my head, and then, 10 minutes later, asks me for help reading something, I do it. 

I don't always do it with the right heart, or very graciously, but I do it. 

Why?  Do I enjoy being treated like crap?  No, I resent it.  I think I deserve "better".  I think I deserve a husband who loves and respects me at least 75% of the time, not 25%.  If that. 

Do I enjoy being a "martyr" as one reader called me?  No.  I don't think that I am.  I am just making God the priority here and not my own desires.  Life is short.  Eternity is forever.  I want to die knowing I did the right thing and pleased God my entire life. 

How did I reach this conclusion?  During my God Time.  You - at least I - haven't found a lot of readings about this outside the Bible.  I remember once, years ago, someone sent me some books.  One of them basically said "Even if your husband treats you like crap, Jesus is your husband and He loves you".  The other one was "Boundaries in Marriage". 

Boundaries don't work very well with Ron, he rolls right over them.  Yet if I "violate" "his" in some way he goes ballistic. 

A lot of memes talk about love and respect going both ways in a marriage.  Not necessarily. 

I am doing my best to show him God's love and make myself a better person in the process.  That would make me happy. 

So, at the end of it, it does go to making me happy, just not in the way you might expect. 

I slept in until 8 today.  We had to work on the monthly report today.  At least I thought we did.  Ron bit my head off when I mentioned it, got drunk, threatened to have a blackout, cursed me out some more, and then took a nap. 

I took a nap with Biscuit, he laid by my feet.  He's such a sweet boy. 

We got up.  We haven't heard anything from Chuck lately, so either he is sick or his phone is broken.  I'm not sure which.  It is dubious we will be making our supply run tomorrow as planned, but we still need to go into work. 

I did my God Time and took my shower today, although I never got dressed in "outside" clothes.  It's work-from-home-day.  Or I thought it was. 

Later on he did call me in to "do the receipts".  I did it with, I felt, a pretty good attitude. God would want me to do that. 

I really only care about making God happy.  I don't care about making other people happy.  It doesn't matter to me.  If I do make a person happy, great, but it's not my end goal. 

We did the receipts and I left the room. Ron yelled at me about leaving the stapler, but did give Torbie her treats. 

At least we agree on the cats.  I cut up some cheese for a snack (I had already taken my pills), and Biscuit came begging.  I let him have a piece.  He had a good time biting at it and licking it.  He didn't really eat it but he sure tasted it. 

I forgot, Gravy liked cheese too.  They were twins so it figures Biscuit would like cheese, too. 

Ron got on the phone to the electric company.  There was a lot of talk but I don't think anything got resolved.  For whatever reason, our account is mixed up with some other account.  They can't seem to separate. 

That's it for now.  I have to call my aunt and see what is going on this weekend. 

1 comment:

Spankadoo Hardcastle said...

Sending you huge hugs , lots of empathy, and understanding.

Garageland (for the cats)

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