Sunday, November 6, 2016

My body's defense against depressive hibernations

Ron and I had a very stupid "quibble" last night.  It wasn't really an argument.  It wasn't even really a disagreement, Ron thought it was an hour earlier than it was.  I told him no, it's an hour later than you think, after you go back an hour. 

I finally told him to check his cell phone.  He did.  "Now," I told him "Take an hour off that and set your alarm".  Oh!  The light dawned. 

In the meantime, my own alarm, I had mixed up the AM's and PM's.  So my alarm went off before I even went to bed.  I fixed it. 

No one was really "right" there.  I went to bed early.  Ron followed suit. 

I slept a long time, nearly 12 hours, and woke up with a headache.  My aunt would say "Well, the rain front came through today, that's what triggered your headache".  I suspect it was sleeping so long.  It's my body's defense against depressive hibernations. 

I woke up, fed Biscuit, and brushed my teeth.  I took a shower and did my God Time.  I turned off the fan in the bathroom (we run it to vent the steam so we don't get mold).  I cleaned up a little. 

(Adoptive) Mom and Dad had agreed to come "around 10-ish".  They got there around 10:20.  I was halfway through an episode of Law and Order.  I showed them around (the house was a mess but they were nice enough not to say anything.  Biscuit fled in terror, which I found odd because he's so friendly with us.  I just petted him a minute ago, he rubbed against my leg for some petting.  At any rate, he was terrified of them and fled to the catio. 

Baby Girl was very reluctant, and only stuck around because I brought out the treats.  Mom got a couple photos. 

Treats, you say?  Torbie showed up seeking treats.  We got a couple photos of Torbie, including one of me holding Torbie, which I plan to post. 

Time to go.  I loaded Ron in his wheelchair and we went outside to the car, loaded Ron into the car, and went to church. 

I don't know why, but lately I always cry during the singing.  It's not that bad.  I just cry.  Maybe it's the depression, maybe it's some deeper and more meaningful spiritual thing, but I find it deeply embarrassing.  I don't cry, ever.  The last time I really cried was when Gravy died, and I cried a little over Ron's condition after his back surgery.  I wish I could take that out of me. 

Anyway, it was a good sermon on Revelation.  Revelation is a good one, for the believer.  We get raptured, God wins.  I only cried a little bit. 

It is so embarrassing because, like I said, I never cry.  I probably need to cry more, what "with" everything I've got going in my life.  I could cry buckets just over my depression and the lack of energy I have at 4 lithiums a day.  I remember when I used to go out and have fun.  Do you?  I'd go out on the bus and have all these adventures.  Now I just take naps.  Sad. 

Or I could spend a lot of time crying over all Ron's problems and wondering what will happen next.  He's been complaining a lot about his right knee (more on that later), will he need another operation?  Oh, I hope not. 


Church finished and I said hello to some people I know.  They were all very nice.  Some of them are Facebook friends.  Mom and Dad were impressed.  I am playing well with others, even ones I haven't seen face to face, in a while. 

We left and went out to lunch.  We went to our favorite BBQ place, the one Dad liked so much when he visited last time. 

We had a good meal and some good conversation. I haven't "really" seen him in almost 2 years.  He had lunch with me in the Spring when he was really sick with pneumonia, but he was really sick and I was worried about him. 

They were both in better shape than Ron, something he proved when Ron fell on the ground getting into the car.  It was rather awkward.  Dad pulled the wheelchair away (Ron was totally on the ground) and Ron clawed his way up into the car.  "I'm going to sit down first" he said, "and then put my legs in the vehicle.  Stupid right knee buckled on me again". 

At least he figured that out.  I put the wheelchair in the trunk again and we left. 

It rained a little on the way home.  We really need the rain but it made it hard to drive, I could tell. 

We got home, I got the wheelchair out (third time that day) and Ron got into it safely.  We entered through the garage door and went up the ramp.  I took my medication (still had my headache, so I threw some aspirin in there too) and a nap, for about an hour.  I didn't sleep very well but I at least rested a little. 

I try to rest when I can.  I never know what's going to happen and sleep/rest is a precious commodity.  Some parent is laughing at me "Heather, you have no idea."

No, I don't, and that's why I married a man who was fixed.  I just knew kids were never in the picture for me. 

Now, up for a little while yet and then early to bed.  At least it will be dark. 

Torbie has laid against my foot for the entirety of this post.  She's such a sweet girl. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I never cried either until I hit menopaus and girl I will tell you now ??? I cry at a fast food commercial any music and heaven forbid I see kids dogs or kitties doing cute things ..almost everyd emotion I have is accompanied by some tears ..I laugh at my crying then start crying! LOL ..I am sure when my hormones settle for good it will stop but lets just say maybe you will get so used to it you start seeing others like yourself in stores with tears trying to shade them . Woman of a "certain age" do tend to be a bit tearful ..but it fades. I HOPE!!!

I need to stay top notch

I had one of those nights were I slept fine, but woke up exhausted.  All this running the last couple weeks is wiping me out.  I did have ...