Tuesday, May 19, 2015

"You can't drink!"

On occasion, I use a protein gel (the Six Stars brand).  It is very tasty, albeit an odd texture.  Encouraged by that, I had purchased some vials of protein liquid (another brand) to drink, also fruit flavored, in large vials. 

I figured one was good, the other'd be too, and I'd left the gels at work.  Sick, I knew I needed my protein but I had zero appetite so I didn't want to eat. 

But I needed my protein.  The solution seemed obvious. 

I cracked a vial (about 4 ounces) and took a swig.  Hmmm.  Notes of cat urine, pine based cleanser, and chemical meltdown, all in a slimy stew of fruitish uck!  I gagged it down.  The flavor did not dissipate.  I drank some tea.  The flavor did not dissipate. 

My throat already hurt, I did not want to vomit, but the horrific "flavor" lingered, persisting like a rejected stalker.  I tried to spit, and gazed around the kitchen in desperation. 

I saw Ron's flask of brandy as he set it back on the counter, snatched it, and took a sip.  Ah!  The Ukrainian brandy (thanks whoever made it, I know I get some Ukrainian traffic), did the job.  My mouth filled with brandy notes instead.  It seemed to be nice brandy.

Ron had hysterics.  "What are you doing?

"Getting the taste out of my mouth."  For the record, that was almost as bad as the time I tried dessicated liver. 

"You can't drink!"

Yes, I can.  I just don't.  With my family history, and the statistics stating 80% of fetal alcohol victims become addicts, I've abstained... but it doesn't mean I can't.

I just found it hysterical, here's a hard-core alcoholic, one who told me if I had taken him on Intervention he would have left me so he could continue drinking - objecting to me using literally a teaspoon of brandy to get a bad taste out of my mouth. 

It made me realize; he knows he is highly dependent on me.  I think that's one reason he is pretty sour with me being sick. 

I also understand his God issues.  I wrote this on a message board last night:

My husband has a lot of issues with God. He loves that I am a woman of faith, but it infuriates him.

If he had his way I would never do my Bible study, prayer, have faith in, trust, or have anything nice to say about God. Or so it seems the majority of the time.

He will even yell and grit his teeth if I say nice things about God.

Now, I honor God before my husband. So, my husband just has to "deal" with my faith. I get up and do my Bible study/prayer time before he wakes up.

He would heckle, interrupt, and make constant comments, ask for help, etc..if he knew I was "doing it". One time he played an explicit sex scene from a book, at high volume, "forgetting" I was "busy". One reason I keep my earplugs next to my Bible.

So, I either "do it" while he's asleep, or I don't tell him what I'm doing. I tell him I'm "in the computer room" because the ensuing drama, tirades, and complaints are not worth telling the entire truth. He assumes I am online, he respects that.

I even told him this; and said I felt like I had to "sneak around with God like He's another man". He told me that was wrong, of course not, yet if I told him I was doing my God Time guaranteed he would be bothering me in 2 minutes.

Sadly, my husband is a believer, does have faith, and I believe trusts God. However, he lets his anger at God "allowing" his injuries, and my disability, cloud his mind to everything.

I could have easily let this impede my walk with God.

But I have made serving and pleasing God ALONE my #1 priority.


Anonymous said...

I read your discription of the ....whatever it was...to my husband who spit food laughing ...it was so perfect you know we were right there with you! What a good writer you are!

Heather Knits said...

I told someone today "It was like a cat peed in a bowl of fruit punch!" LOL

A trip to the hematologist

I slept OK but woke up really tired.  I hit the snooze alarm a few times, much to Biscuit's disgust.  But I'm getting ahead of mys...