Thursday, May 14, 2015

Biscuit's a puker

I woke up depressed.  I did my God Time later and did get the shower. 

Last night, as I lay awake in bed, I found myself wondering, "Why does my mood always improve right before I go to bed?"  Maybe it's because I can "turn off" for a while. 

I don't think it's medication related, because I take my hard stuff around lunch (antidepressant for breakfast; 5 (!) mood stabilizers and an antipsychotic for lunch), it's got plenty of time to "work". 

Anyway, I was feeling pretty oppressed.  Someone once told me all that is entirely spiritual.  Others say it's just the misfirings of a diseased brain, or a difficult life.  I'm inclined to see it as a combination. 

So, we went to Walmart.  I got a few things, made my deposit  Of course the pharmacy called with some of my medication AFTER we went home. 

Ron actually paid attention to me.  I had a great time looking at spices and discussing MSG.  We agreed we prefer to shop early.  Yes, the deli opens later but the tradeoff - more stress and crowding - just isn't worth it.  Not to me, or Ron either apparently. 

We checked out, and then remembered the fruit.  Ron has been eating a lot of fruit lately, and it seems to be helping his leg ulcer.  Ugh.  I hate those things. 

Anyway, he wanted more apples.  I was delighted to find some Jonagold, my very favorite apple ever.  He bought them.  Another shopper giggled at me as I squealed with joy.  I got Ron a banana (1), and a couple large Goldens.  I think my second favorite apple'd be a Granny Smith.  I like some tart in my apple.  I used to make fruit salads with cut up Jonagold and Granny Smith apples.  Yum. 

I didn't feel up to that today, but I can cut up a Jonagold and eat it before I go to bed. 

We went home. We had a nice ride with a rather harried driver.  I had the feeling the other client had been "riding" her - giving her a hard time. 

On the way to Walmart, the other client made it obvious she was making comments about us to the driver.  I was a little disgusted.  If you want to gossip about me, do it behind my back or to my face.  Don't half-hide it and make it obvious you're talking trash, when I can't even hear you.  I would say this to HER face. 

Anyway, we got home, I put everything away, and took my nap.  I had horrible nightmares about rape, Ron's brother (not him, raping me), disaster, etc. 

I have been having a lot of dreams in which I'm about to leave on a trip.  I'm packing my bags, moving out, getting to the airport.  I have had the dreams nearly every night for the last little while.  I believe, if it's "from above", the dreams relate to the Rapture.  I believe Jesus is coming back for me, and other born-agains.  It will be sudden.  It will be unexpected, and it will be explained.  In fact, after it happens you probably won't even read this due to bots scrubbing all Rapture references - or simply and flatly deleting my blog altogether. 

Oddly enough, after having written all that, I still see myself as an optimist. 

I think God allows nightmares when I'm depressed, knowing I would spend all my time in bed, otherwise. 

I got up.  I did my God Time.  I got online for a while. 

Ron got drunk and sang along with "Margaritaville".  Ugh. 

I decided, since I had some energy, from being pissed (!), I would finally attack the bed.  I had some storage boxes I wanted to put under the bed.  I needed to change the sheet, as Biscuit vomited on my fitted sheet in the middle of the night.  Poor little Biscuit, he is the sweetest cat, with the most wonderful purr, but he's a puker. 

I have been so depressed I slept on a sheet with cat puke, for more than one night.  Pretty awful, pretty desperate.  I just didn't have the motivation to change it.  Bubba was my previous puker, and I had him for over 10 years. 

I decided I did not want to be that depressed today (to a small extent, I can battle with sheer will).  I stripped the bed, moved all the pillows (I like a lot!), and attempted to flip the mattress against the wall. 

I use a foam mattress, 4 inches thick, from Ikea.  It is 9 years old and very comfortable.  Gravy, however, had other ideas.  He decided to climb all over as the mattress as I attempted to flip it, making the whole job very difficult. 

The bedframe exposed (I have a Sleep Master from Amazon), I prepared to fit my dust ruffle.  However, the cats were enthralled with their new jungle gym, walking all over the supports.  It took me a while to chase them off. 

That done, they went under the edge of the ruffle and played get the feet, mine, and their siblings'.  Yike.  I finally got it all done and left, watching TV for a while. 

I checked the mail, my book arrived.  I read a little and got back online. 

And that's been my day. 

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