The speech

Last night I got "the speech" from Ron about how he would probably have a blackout, he didn't mean anything, etc.  I am going to tell him he can't give me the speech any more.  It's a game.

"I'm going to shit all over you, and you can't do anything about it, I could prevent this, but I won't, and then I'm going to insult you by telling you I love you."

So he got drunk.  At first he was OK.  He knew I was on the computer and started yelling he wanted me to look up the "Bad Command".  Then he said it was the "Vaca Vein".  I told him I couldn't understand him and I was going to bed.  He started cursing me out.

I had insulted him, wounded him so deeply, he said, by failing to understand (his gibberish), he called me a bitch, he called me fat, he said he wasn't going out to dinner today.  Narcissistic head games.  I told myself that and didn't react.  I didn't react to anything he said or did, I learned that lesson many years ago, don't give an abuser any ammunition to use against you.  He started cursing me again.  I told him, silently, a demon was using him as a puppet.  I mentally asked Ron how he liked having a demon up his @ss.  He went to bed and fell asleep.

I was pretty wound up up I fell asleep eventually.  I found it ironic that he kept going on about Chuck taking me out to dinner and how he (Ron) would pay for it.  I am trying not to be hurt that my own husband doesn't want to go to my birthday/our anniversary dinner.  Why does Ron keep shoving me at Chuck?  What script in his head says I have to run off and leave Ron?  I know Ron's ex girlfriend ran off with his (at the time) best friend.  They stole a lot of money from his business, too.

Even if I were a cheater, and I'm not, I would not be interested in Chuck.  He is older than Ron, even, almost my Dad's age.  He is not born again.  I could go on but you get the idea.

Not interested.  And I really don't want to go to dinner with him, alone.  I am happy paying him to help me take a cat to the vet or run an errand, but that's as far as I'll go.  I am happy to go out to dinner with Ron and Chuck but it is just weird to go out with Chuck only, for my anniversary dinner.

Like I said, not interested.  But Ron has it in his head I will run off with Chuck.  Ron even got drunk one time and told Chuck some VERY personal medical information of mine (I won't even share it here)  to "deter his interest".  I'm sure it had the desired effect, but Ron had no right to do that.

I have talked to Ron about what I share here.  He knows I share everything.  He has told me, more than once, he doesn't have a problem with that.  The only thing I didn't do is put up those photos of the bloody kitchen and hallway after he fell off his walker (drunk) last year.  I think he asked me not to do it, so I obliged.  In exchange, I told Ron he could no longer drink while sitting on his walker, because he falls, a lot, when he does.  "You don't want to wake up in an emergency room" I told him, and he agreed.

But I would never share information like that without his consent.

I didn't sleep well, last night.  I finally woke up at 2 AM and decided to run the dryer.  The dryer is on the same circuit as the A/C and I worry about blowing a fuse.  It is easier to run the dryer when the A/C is not running at all.  So I turned it on for an hour and made sure I turned the buzzer to "off".  It was mainly a load of socks and underwear, so it didn't matter if they sat in the dryer for a while after it finished.  When I got up, everything was dry.

I slept fitfully but I think I got enough rest.  I was certainly awake around 7:30.  I got up, finished the clothes, ate, took my meds, etc.

I am pretty greasy because I didn't take my shower yesterday, but I plan to take it next, and then do my God time.

Ron is awake, I think Baby Girl had something to do with that.  She likes to get up on the bed with him and lie down on his left leg.  She is kneading and purring the bed, flopped against him, having a good time.

I reminded her I fed her, but she doesn't care.  She has a special love for Ron and is happy to cuddle him.  I wish she did that with me, but she won't.  She's a very particular cat.

And so the drama begins.  I will update.