"Brought the pain"

I remembered to do daylight savings last night, but forgot to remind Ron.  I went to bed about "9" (really 8) and had a pretty good sleep.  It got cold - in the 40s, so I used my wool blanket. 

I woke up about 9:30 and got up.  I fed a very eager Biscuit.  One great thing about my cats, and I hesitate to even mention this for fear it will change, is that they never bother me for food when I'm sleeping.  After they see I'm awake, they start begging.  I'm glad God wired them that way. 

I fed Biscuit, of course.  Dry and wet.  Baby Girl showed up and he stopped eating and went to the dry food, leaving the moist for her.  She appreciated it. 

Biscuit is very respectful of the girls.  I think because they beat him a lot when I was gone, in the beginning.  I don't kid myself, they were very unhappy I brought them (Biscuit and Gravy) home.  Biscuit is laying next to my computer chair right now, grooming. 

He still walks around with a dirty butt, but one day he didn't.  I think he did it just to prove to me he could, he just doesn't want to, clean his butt.  I don't care. 

I ate my protein bar and did my God Time.  During my God Time, Ron came out of his room and decided to start drinking.  He went immediately into a blackout and began mumbling. 

Great.  Not what I wanted to see. 

I took a shower as he thundered around in the dining area.  Then I pushed him into his bedroom.  He trashed his bedroom while I watched TV, but at least he stayed in the bedroom. 

It sounds cruel, but if he's going to break things I'd rather they be his things, than mine.  I get tired.  I get scared.  I get angry.  Mostly I get angry. 

But then I remind myself I don't have his problems.  He clearly has depression, in addition to all his physical problems.  His answer to that was to take a single antidepressant of mine, tell me it didn't "work" and go back to drinking.  Unfortunately, you can't drink when you take antidepressants, so he would have to go cold turkey and start on the antidepressants to see if they worked.  That would take about 2 months.  Could he do it?  I don't know.  If he was motivated, yes. 

It's kind of a rude blow to my pride to admit I can't "motivate" him, God has to do it.  The only thing I could do, at the end of it, is move out.  If I did that, it would have catastrophic consequences.  And he very well might decide he liked me better gone. 

Even more depressed, I watched TV for a little while as he slumped over, snoring, in his wheelchair.  Once my hair was dry enough from my shower I took a nap. 

I woke up from that around 4.  Ron was awake and eating.  I asked him if he had made the trips for tomorrow and he said no.  He said it was only 3:30.  I reminded him of daylight savings and told him it was really 4:30, if he didn't call in his trips right quick we would be taking cabs everywhere tomorrow.  And sales aren't good enough to pay for a lot of cab rides. 

He called and made the trips. 

I took another Aleve.  My cycle was late this month, almost a week late, and has "brought the pain" with it.  I don't normally get any kind of remarkable cramps but this time has been pretty bad, and the flow very heavy. 

I made a note in my notebook, so I don't get surprised next month when it shows. 

I plan to eat a snack and go to bed in about half an hour.  What a day. 

At least the cats were good.  I got a very nice cuddle from Biscuit during my nap.  I was lying on my side, and he came and gave me a massage, then curled up behind my knees for a couple of minutes. 

He also gave me a very nice massage yesterday, during my nap.  I just can't see how anyone could give him up. 

It must have been the puking, and the dirty butt.  But that doesn't matter in the long run.