A bellyful of Big Cups

I slept in today.  Since I was depressed, I slept in as late as I could, about 9 AM. 

If this is me ON the medication, I would hate to see me OFF it. 

I got up and took my medication, ate my protein bar, and did my shower and God Time.  I watched Supernatural reruns for a while and then went back to bed.  I slept for a couple hours, got up, and ate myself sick on Reese's Big Cups.  I never should have bought that case for Ron. 

I decided, since I was full, to take my medication.  I did that.  I also learned that, yes, I can take my pills with a bellyful of Big Cups. 

Ron has been "better" lately, not as verbally abusive, not as toxic in his attitudes, but still exhausting.  I ask him if his raving makes him feel any better.  He says no.  I ask him why he does it and he says I can't control him. 

I wish he really understood what his negativity does to my overall mood when I'm depressed, or even an average mood.  When I'm manic I don't care. 

He's raving about politics right now.  Like that will do any good. 

At any rate, he's still been "better" but probably "enough" to drive your average person nuts.  Most people laugh at Ron when he starts raving about God being "torture man" "taking too long (to come back", etc. 

Maybe I need to learn to laugh at him, although I don't think it would be well-received. 

He had gone to bed about the same time I did, drunk.  His big goal is to start drinking as soon as possible and go back to bed so he can sleep.  Wake up, start drinking again, back to bed.

I swear, the man has worse depression than I do, but he refuses to see or admit it.  It makes him fairly toxic to me. 

He got up, relatively sober, and decided he wanted to go out to dinner.  I thought he was talking about going out to dinner tomorrow.  We agreed to go to the local taqueria and he called a cab. 

I suddenly realized he meant tonight.  I had to get dressed and get all my stuff together.  I had washed my jeans last night, so I took everything out of the pockets.  I had to put everything back in the pockets and ensure I had everything sorted, don my bra, etc. 

I had been wearing my black cat nightgown, cute for the house but not for dinner out. 

The cab came pretty fast, it was a driver we like.  The restaurant was really quiet, their credit card machine down "Cash only". 

I got a large quesadilla (basically a Mexican grilled cheese), and Ron got the fajita burrito.  We also each got one to go.  I got a large diet Coke and Ron got a beer. 

I'd love to stop him, but I can't.  He didn't finish it, though. 

We ate pretty fast and paid for our dinners.  They came to $24 and change.  Not bad considering we got 4 meals, a large soda, and a beer. 

Ron was all set to leave when I reminded him he hadn't left the tip.  Oops!  We left a good tip and the waitress held the door for us. 

I was really glad we didn't forget the tip, that would be inexcusable.   Ron and I run overly generous when it comes to tipping, and I don't regret that. 

We had a good, fast, ride home.  It is amazing to think what kind of transportation I could have if I were able to drive. 

I hate that, when people tell me I could drive if I wanted to, I just "don't want to drive" etc.  It's like telling Ron he could read a magazine if he just "wanted" to, attacking the victim. 

I try to be stoic but I can get pretty frustrated. 

Anyway, it confirmed my theory, if I ever won a large sum of money, I would hire personal drivers for both myself and Ron.  It would be so nice to make a call, get in the vehicle, and go.  No waiting on a return trip, the driver would wait for me. 

I can dream. 

We put up the leftovers in the fridge, Ron froze his burrito.  It had lettuce in it.  I'm not sure how well it will freeze. 

That's Ron's problem, not mine. 

I fed the cats their canned food when I got home.  I had already given them 1/2 cup of dry food earlier, and they had all eaten some of that.  When I had 1/4 cup in the bowl, they wouldn't eat it, but they ate it when I had a half cup. 

They all took turns eating the wet food, Torbie in particular very interested.  Ron gave them 6 treats each, instead of their usual 30 (!) treats.  I policed them, making sure Torbie didn't steal Baby Girl's treats.  She tried. 

I don't think Ron drank anything before he went back to bed, so he should be pretty reasonable tonight. 

I'm just so tired. 

Ron tells me we may have severe weather tonight so that ought to be interesting.