Thursday, January 5, 2017

90% clean

I have a feeling it's going to be a long night. 

It started out OK.  I got up pretty early, hit the snooze alarm a few times, did my God Time later, and took a shower. 

Well, that's good, I guess.  Ron just blew up at me and said he was going to change clothes every day, damnit.  He's angry because a driver made a comment about the cat hair on his clothes.  He thought the driver was being "invasive" but I explained the cat hair dirties up the cab and gets on the other clients.  This is not the first time, by the way, a driver has commented on the cat hair. 

He's angry because he asks me if he "looks OK" every day.  And, every day, I tell him he looks "OK".  Not great, not fine, not alright, but minimally acceptable.  If I mention he needs to change he gets angry and blows up at me.  So I lowered my standards. 

AA says not to argue with a drunk, so when he is sober I will remind him of 1.  The time a driver made him sit on a towel because she was worried about the cat hair, months ago and 2.  The fact that I have told him I am constantly cleaning cat hair off his clothes.  He wears his clothes to bed and the cats sleep with him, so the hair gets all over him, I guess.  I don't know if the cats sleep with him. 

I do know I take off my clothes when I'm sleeping, fold them and put them away, and I don't have any problems with cat hair.

Anyway, we went to Walmart.  Ron wanted to ride in the kiddie cart so I put the wheelchair in the basket, folded up, and went and did the shopping.  Ron spent about half the total, and paid for it. 

We came home.  When we entered the house I was met with a very bad odor.  I complained about it.  It had a strong undertone of "feet" so I asked Ron to please wash his feet.  He blew up at me.  Up to that point he had been saying he had a good time. 

I took a nap, and later I got up and did my God Time.  I tried to take another nap (I never know when Ron's going to have a blackout and keep me up all night).  That didn't work, I was very depressed. 

I got up and watched some TV, and used the computer for a bit.  Ron woke up and asked me to check the weather.  I did.  I tried to tell him the weather but he was busy listening to the National weather forecast.  Why even ask me to check if you're not going to listen to me?  He was pretty nasty about it, too. 

We decided we didn't want to do anything tomorrow.  The last time we rode with Chuck he ran every red light we encountered.  I don't feel safe riding with him right now. 

The weather's going to be cold and nasty, so we don't want to be out in that, either.  It's a shame, because when Ron is home with no trips planned he tends to drink himself into blackouts. 

I can't control his drinking.  Sad fact. 

So, Ron decided to change his socks.  I told him I didn't want those socks in my washer.  "What do you mean?"  "Tell me when you first started wearing those socks".  "I can't".  "Exactly".  He took them off and I threw them away. 

I also took out the trash, and changed the litter boxes, hopefully that will help control the odor.  There's a large stain on the floor near Ron's doorway where, I think, he knocked the water bowl over.  But he might have vomited, he admits.  He doesn't remember.  So I plan to vacuum and use the carpet cleaner tomorrow to see if I can get it up.  It looks pretty awful and, I think, is also a source of the odor. 

And he accuses me of trashing the house, because I'm messy. 

Ron also agreed to take a bath.  I know when he had his last one and I won't share that information.  It was not yesterday. 

He went in the kitchen and started drinking.  He got very nasty verbally.  He railed at me for not changing "one" water bowl out of 3.  He had done one and I had done one, and he was raving at me for being a bad cat mom because I didn't do the third one, which, I would have told him, the cats NEVER use. 

He cleaned it and sloshed it on the floor, exclaiming "Good, I hope you slip in the water and break your head open!"  Yeah, it's that kind of night. 

Now he's raving about "Killing them all".  Oh, boy. 

He did take a bath, but he didn't wash his hair.  I guess I will have to pick my battles.  90% clean is better than 0% clean.  And he did wash his feet. 

He even hung up his towel. 

At least he is pointing his rage at someone else now.  I just hope no one hears him. 

He's upset about the incident when the black teenagers tortured the "slow" white teenager.  So am I, but for different reasons. 

I'm upset people are attacking the victim's family, saying "they should have done better".  As a caregiver, I can tell you people are always willing to tell you what a bad job you're doing.  But those same people would never lift a finger to give you a ride to the store, or sit with the patient for an hour while you (not me) get your nails done. 

Ron's upset at the racial issues.  He also worried about becoming another victim.  If they'd get that guy, they could get him. 

It used to be that ignorant people had a hands-off policy regarding the disabled.  Ron and I could live in the worst neighborhoods and never had a speck of trouble.  Someone who bothered a person with a disability was seen as the lowest of scum, and ostracized.  People would go out of their way to help us, more than they do in my "nice" neighborhood. 

Now that's changing and I guess Ron is scared.  I don't think he needs to worry. 

God is protecting us.  He has protected us thus far.  And yes, I know the question will arise, why didn't God protect the victim in this attack?  Free will.  He chose to go with those people and they chose to commit those acts. 

It's kind of like the "Prime Directive" in Star Trek, I think.  This is all my thinking and not at all from the Bible, just theories of mine regarding free will and sin. 

Ron's quiet now.  I'm going to go heat up my Hot Pocket (they aren't as good as they used to be) and take my pills. 

I still plan to go to bed early. 


Anonymous said...

"God is protecting us. He has protected us thus far. And yes, I know the question will arise, why didn't God protect the victim in this attack? Free will. He chose to go with those people and they chose to commit those acts."

So god is protecting you against the verbal abuse from Ron? No he is not.
And the reason that god did not protect the victim in that attack is because of free will - in the regards that he decided to go willing with then because he did not know any better die to his limited mental capacity. Really, Heather?

So one day if Ron corners you and stabs you multiple times with a kitchen knife it will be because you had free will and decided to continue to live with a verbally abusive drunk prone to occasional fits of physical abuse.

Free will is just a lame excuse christians use to try and explain why god does nothing and sits idly by while helpless people are hurt.

Spankadoo Hardcastle said...

You can call a crisis line ans tell them what is going on maybe you have! they can help with " ideas" . this is truly worrisome. Ron is a danger to himself, the kitties and you when he starts this , but you are right what can you do? If he wants to drink? You can reach out, to us there and online support group like alanon? I get it because for me too..meetings are tough to impossible to get too and do invite others drama in, ok for some folks but not everyone can handle processing so much ...i cant right now a group would overwhelm me....much as i need it... I know i am just " out here" but have followed you for years and years now. you need " something" things are not safe, Ron has rules of society to follow like anyone else. He needs to see causing in a huge mess of his own creation isnt the only option. Neither is blaming you.. Bless your heart you have done so much for him , alcohol is brutal. I would rather deal with a pothead at least they eat watch tv and pass out peacefully. It is legal where i live, my husband does use it with VA knowledge for an army injury instead of pills, he was so cranky and mean on the drugs they gave him..steriods benzos narcotics , he was turning into an addict! He was lashing and grumpy, would drink very rarely but when he did? mixing with those meds was scarey.i begged him to try the " evil weed" after doing research...he has huge problems..ptsd, severe depression anxiety, anger issues and he puts the ASS in ASpergers.. but addiction. If he uses the correct strain he is easy going mellow and able to isnt 100% but it helps him calm down and rest his crazy brain . So far he does well with pain control and some strains do help the anxiety and focus, other types no. But it is better him using pot than meds or booze. I guess he chose his poison. I am truly worried for you guys. But know you are strong, smart and have faith and family. I believe you have my email and i know this is crazy but you have a room here anytime! I keep one ready just in case someone needs it in an emergency. Two long comments this week sorry. I just had hoped things would be better after surgery. He has a beautiful wife kitties a lovely home in a nice neighborhood a job and folks care. But his brain will not let him be " happy" . Much love and strength to you.

Scattered Shower

I didn't sleep well.  I was happy, though, when I kicked my foot out, only to end up in fur.  Torbie had joined me in the bed for a cudd...