Monday, September 12, 2016

My burden

Kind of pissed. 

I woke up with a migraine for the third day in a row.  I had to drink a Diet Mountain Dew and take aspirin to try to beat it back.  Of course the caffeine, while helping, woke me up.  Nothing like lying in bed at 1:30 AM trying to sleep. 

I had visions of "migraine art" I could do.  The beauty supply store used to sell foam heads for women to store wigs.  I could buy some foam heads and do various interpretations.  An axe in the head.  Arrows in the head.  Razor blades all around the eye socket.  Etc. 

I finally gave up and got up for a while, got on the computer for a while, whined a little on Facebook (but everyone was asleep). 

I looked at protein powders for a while.  I am trying to get Ron to consume extra protein because he will need surgery and he is an alcoholic (but I don't tell him the last, God will have to do that).  Anyway, he can't have whey.  It has horrible digestive effects for him. 

I tried soy a while back and it works, if I put some peanut butter powder in it.  He loves that.  I get the soy at Sam's Club.

I put this in it:

If you want a recipe, 2 cups water, 4 scoops soy powder, 4 T pb powder.  I imagine it would be really good with chocolate soy powder and half a banana. 

Anyway, I thought might have something "better". They have every protein in the world, except, as I found, much soy.  Oh, well. 

Then I got up and washed out Ron's blender bottle, and made him another shake.  I put it in the fridge and went back to bed. 

More fantasizing about "migraine art" as my head throbbed.  Miserable.  I finally fell asleep about half an hour before the alarm went off. 

Ron's banging around in the kitchen, drunk and making a mess. 

But I'll get to that. 

I got up as late as I could, got dressed, and went to work.  It was pretty slow.  We managed to finish it all and came home. 

I was feeling moderately better, so I decided to weed-whack the catio area out back.  The grass it pretty long, not that it bothers Biscuit.  He can do is "Jungle Kitty" routine (sing that to "Jungle Boogie" "Jungle Kitty, oooh-oooh, Jungle Kitty")

After I finished that, hot and sweaty work, I took a shower.  Then I went to bed and slept a couple hours, catching up on what I had missed the night before. 

I woke up with a returned headache.  Curses.  I took more aspirin (I sure don't have to worry about stroke or heart attack, but I'm going to need some more aspirin), and watched a little TV. 

My appetite came crawling back.  Thank God. 

I was wanting pizza, and I had a free one.  I am a "member" of the Dominoes reward program.  I get one free pizza for every 6, a pretty good deal in my book. 

I ordered it, a grand total of $2.44 taxes and delivery charge.  I got Feta and pepperoni.  It was very good, I will get it again. 

Ron started ranting about me being fat "feeding my stomach" "You used to be so thin". 

Forget the fact that I have eaten absolutely nothing all day. 

I reminded him, when I was thin, he was constantly complaining about my breasts and hips being too flat/skinny respectively.  I told him he was a hypocrite, no matter how I looked he was never happy.  He said all men are like that.  I don't believe him.  I think there are quite a few men out there who only care if their mate is healthy.   Not that I intend to go looking. 

He gets on these tangents about his mother.  He apparently despised his mother for being fat, and he turns that around on me "You're fat just like my mother".  So what?  Up until Ron's accident, she was a very nice lady.  I could do worse. 

I actually left the house, checked the mail, and came back.  He was still raving at me. 

I have decided I am going to tell my doctor. 

  • Ron has a drinking problem (I won't use the word alcoholic)
  • Ron is verbally abusive.
  • Then tell the latest health issues and increased caregiving
Ron will be embarrassed and VERY angry at me, but I think my doctor needs to know my "burden".   He can't treat me properly if he doesn't have the information.  As far as he knows Ron is sober as a judge and a loving husband.  He is neither. 

I am carrying a very heavy package and I need all the help I can get. 

I will reiterate, it is not my job to control or regulate Ron's drinking.  He is the only one who can do that.   I can only protect myself and moderate my responses to said drinking - which is usually running here and pouring it all out. 

The pizza came and Ron did a 180.  From calling me a "stomach-aholic food addict" to asking for some of my pizza. 

I thought, I can be an asshole, stoop to his level, or I can offer him a slice.  It is good and he needs the protein.  It was pretty much the perfect pizza.  Then he tried to pay me for the pizza. 

I told him, I can handle $2.44 plus tip (I gave the guy $5 tip)

I offered him a slice.  He was taken aback and said he had a burrito in the fridge.  He asked me what was on it, I told him.  He said it sounded good and then made a snarky comment. 

He ended up eating the burrito. 

Then he dumped half a tray of ice out all over the kitchen floor, that's the noise I heard. 

I, in the meantime, ate 2 slices of pizza, took my handful of morning pills (Doc: I don't care how or when you take them, just take them every day!), took a slug of decaf iced tea, choked them down, got my evening pills, took them choked them down, and at a last slice of pizza to make sure everything "landed". 

Good, all my meds are on board.  I DO NOT need to be walking around unmedicated, and the minute I can, I will take everything possible. 

I had such a brutal headache for most of the day, I couldn't take my morning pills, they cause and aggravate bad headaches.  But I feel fine now one blog after taking them. 

Good call, Heather.  I like to pat myself on the back for smart little things. 

I think my next call will be buying some butterbur and feverfew, two herbal things that help prevent migraines. 

I absolutely loathe, loathe, loathe the concept of a "hormonal" migraine.  I hate it.  It sounds like I am the victim of my ovaries, but in a sense I am. 

It's a lot smarter to take something, the 2 weeks before my period, to prevent migraines, than it is to just suffer and choke down another handful of aspirin. 

I fed the cats, about the only thing I need to do is clean out the litter box and I will be done for the day. 

I want to make sure the cats have a nice place to go. 

1 comment:

Spankadoo Hardcastle said...

This is huge for you i know, but please dear Heather? Talk freely to your doctor about what is on your list. Much love amd toms of strength
I am so happy you will do this, you are a very vlusble person in this world

Scattered Shower

I didn't sleep well.  I was happy, though, when I kicked my foot out, only to end up in fur.  Torbie had joined me in the bed for a cudd...