If I wanted to punish you, I'd hide your vodka bottle

I woke up around 1 AM with throbbing pain on the left side of my face.  Funny, normally I have right-sided pain. 

This will require some explanation.  When I was 12, 4 teeth were removed under a local.  From a bipolar child.  You can imagine how that went.  Well, the doctor broke a root and left a fragment in my upper right jaw. 

When I went for my wisdom teeth removal at age 19, the doctor found a "mass" in my jaw, where I had the tooth removed.  Great.  They had to cut open my jaw, in addition to pulling 4 teeth (they used a drill and chipped away at the bone, I can still feel it in my jaw) - all in all, a hellish procedure.  It affected my right frontal sinus cavity, so when I have trouble it's always there. 

I was fairly surprised to have left side pain.  I had to get up, take a washcloth, wet it, and microwave it, then holding it to my face for a period of time until it cooled.  Then repeat.  I also applied some topical tea tree oil. 

I drank a lot of water, and when I felt a little better I went back to bed.  I didn't sleep great. 

I had turned off the hall light before I turned off the computer room light.  So, it was totally dark as I left the room.  I stepped on something live and it meowed at me.  It was Torbie. 

I felt horrible, stomping on my poor elderly cat.  I picked her up and brought her to bed to show her I was sorry. 

She got her revenge, hogging one whole quarter of the bed.  I had a hard time rolling over or adjusting myself. 

But, to be honest, I wasn't sleeping that well anyway.  I woke up and did the compress, put some tea tree oil, and went back to bed.  I slept a little better after that and I think I woke up with no sinus pain. 

I did my God Time, ate a protein bar, took my medication, and went back to bed.  I have my alarm set to wake me up at 6:30 to take my mucus pill. 

I am hydrating as much as possible. 

I tried to sleep as much as I could today, which wasn't much.  I did manage a little.  I took my shower, making sure to stick my head under the showerhead as much as possible to let the hot water run over my face. 

Ron has been pretty cruel about me being sick.  He can't stand it when someone else needs attention or sympathy.  He gets vicious.  He did with Chuck, he did with me.  So I don't even tell him what's going on. 

If I hacked up a lung I would just call 911.  I wouldn't even tell him because he would just call me names, call me weak, say I am "an old lady", etc.  Like I said, vicious. 

I told him he got waited on hand and foot for an entire month when he had the surgery, while I have worked sick every day since I got sick.  Who is weaker? 

He decided to spend the day in a drunken stupor.  That went fine for a while. 

The neighbors, #6, made a lot of noise around 7 PM.  I thought "Here we go" and woke Ron up. 

It is traditional in Mexico to have a big Christmas eve party, and boy have they been loud in the past.  Ron and I had made an agreement to go to work if they were having a party, and it looked like they would be. 

He became very vicious.  He didn't want to go to work, which was our plan if the were going to have a party.  He agreed to this.  He's not sick, what's the problem? 

Some highlights:
I should have a blackout to hur- punish you. 

I'll "let" you go somewhere on Monday if you want. 

You are trying to run from something in your head by going to work. 

You just want me to go to work to punish me and [dominate] me. 

This is all "Your" God's fault. 


I told him, if I wanted to punish him, I would hide his vodka bottle.  He got pretty upset at that.  I told him nobody "let" me go anywhere.  Besides, between us, I will probably need the money for the doctor.  I doubt Ron will help me out. 

I didn't address the other comments. 

And the really sad thing, this is not the first Christmas Ron has become verbally abusive and drunk. 

To the inevitable question, why do I stay?  Well, a couple of reasons. 

I believe in keeping my commitments, even if other people don't keep theirs (to love and cherish).  I may not be able to love him all the time, but I'm not going to ditch him because he has problems. 

I have been left in my life, I know what that feels like. 

I believe God wants me to tough it out - with His help.  Mainly #1 and #3. 

Now off to bed with the humidifier, which really does help, and a lot of water by my bed for me to drink when I wake up thirsty. 

I have to stay hydrated. 

#6 has apparently settled back down and will be having a quiet evening.  #7 is having a get together but it's very quiet, I wouldn't know unless I looked out the window and saw all the trucks out in front of his house. 

That's my kind of party.