Sunday, December 4, 2016

Sorry about the whining

My headache never died.  I woke up with it again today.  Ugh. 

I am guessing it is the rain, as I know I haven't eaten anything that could be a trigger.  Heck, if I'd known I'd have such a bad headache, I would have gone ahead and eaten a couple of the Reese's Big Cups.  Yup.  

I kept waking up, drinking some water, urinating, brushing my teeth because even my teeth hurt with this headache, etc.  Ron kept complaining I was "keeping him up" but he was laughing.  I'm sure he thought it was really funny. 

Not so funny, when he got up he wasn't quiet so it woke me up when I was sleeping.  Sorry, gang, today I'm going to whine a lot. 

I finally fell asleep around 1 AM and woke up around 9.  I took some aspirin and drank a Diet Mountain Dew.  I ate a protein bar because I was a little hungry, always a good sign. 

Ron asked to watch the sermon on my computer, I turned it on.  He watched for a little while and then asked me to turn it off.

I did my God time, despite his constant interruptions and my repeated reminders I was doing my God Time.  It's like he sees it as a contest, who is going to get my attention, him, or God?  Well, God did. 

Ron stopped pestering me and waited for a couple minutes, then he began laughing softly.  That was supposed to be my cue to ask him "What?"  I didn't.  He did it again, and again, louder.  I didn't react, I just kept praying.  He finally gave up and left me alone. 

This is why I try to get up early, before Ron, to do my God time.  He sees it as a competition.  Once or twice I thought maybe he innocently wanted some attention, and I gave it to him, but the minute I did he shut down.  He only wants attention when I am praying and doing my Bible study.  He wants to "make" me stop.  If I tell him "I'm done" he isn't interested any more. 

And I don't have time for games.  My faith comes first, live with it.  At times my faith has been the only thing keeping me in this relationship.  I would think he'd respect that. 

Do you think I want to live with a verbally abusive alcoholic?   I'll tell you, I didn't have happy, dew-eyed dreams of being shouted at and called a stupid bitch, growing up. 

God gives me what I need. 

Ron got into his bitter and angry drinking mode, had some vodka, I don't know how much.  He didn't point his anger at me.

I watched a little Law & Order (it's funny when I've seen it before and know how it's going to end up), and then took a nap. 

When I do my God Time, Torbie gets up on the couch with me and curls against my leg.  She stays the whole time. 

When I laid down, she ran in the room meowing and laid on my legs.  We had a good nap for a couple of hours, my legs got really stiff but it's Torbie. 

Sad that I feel I get more love from the cats then from Ron.  She was so sweet lying on the wool blanket, purring and letting me pet her at will. 

I got up and Ron wanted to do the report.  We have to file a monthly accounting report every month. 

Then we pay a percentage of our sales to the state program.  It's a pretty good deal. 

He worked on the computer for a while, then asked me to "do" the receipts.  I organize them in date order and staple them together, then read all the dates and totals to Ron.  The stapler ran out of staples.  I asked Ron to fill it because I hate filling staplers, but he just shouted at me. 

He was very invested in doing the report, overly stressed about it, and giving me overflow verbal abuse.  I didn't much care for it but I did my job. 

Later on, when he's ready, I will file the report, hoping he doesn't shout at me any more.  When he's like this standing up for myself and demanding respect?  It just provokes extreme verbal abuse and Ron goes into "fight mode".  Not worth it, sadly. 

Boy, I'm in a negative mood.  Sorry. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's whining, it's venting...and we all need to vent occ. to clear the air so to speak. If we keep it all inside, it makes us ill. I wish you had a prayer partner so to speak that you maybe texted with, when things are really bad. Remember, you are fighting for your husband, even if he can't see it. God is on your side. You do have a great handle on how to deal with things, we have to be practical to survive some days, and you are Queen of your house. Hugs and I pray for you often.

Good news about the van

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