Boy, I've gotten all kinds of name calling in the last, 20 minutes or so.
What, Heather, you may ask, was your "Crime?"
"Cooking dinner" I'd reply.
You'd remark in astonishment and I'd agree with you.
Ron is EXTREMELY paranoid about the electric bill. During the summer, he forbids showers after 9 AM - doesn't matter if I just mowed the yard, I "can't" take a shower until the next morning. I have found the bath wipes used for invalids very helpful.
Ron is also pretty "extreme" in regulating any kind of cooking. I am "not allowed" to use the burners or oven (I never use the oven anyway) during the summer at all. Once he told me he guessed I could, if I got up at 4 AM to do it. Lately, I have gotten very grudging permission to occasionally use the wok or skillet around dinnertime. The last time I did, he remarked how "It wasn't hot at all" in the house.
Washer or dryer? Not during the day.
[Ron came by complaining again, he truly believes I committed the "crime of cooking during the hot part of the day, "overworking" the air conditioner, and running up the bill" because I "hate" him.] So, in his mind, he is responding accordingly.
I can guess what you might be thinking. My theory runs [personality disorder] + [head injury] + alcohol (he was bragging earlier how he had two beers and "was fine").
It is a normal expectation for a woman to want to cook some dinner. Not in Ron's world. A woman who "loved" him, I'm guessing, would open up a can of some processed crap, or microwave a processed TV dinner and "save him", while remaining a healthy 130 pounds.
It's just stupid. Not only did I get up early and mow the entire yard (it takes an hour with the corded electric mower), I then streamed Youtube videos and read him articles off Wikipedia for about an hour. I tried to take a nap, but that didn't work.
Ron keeps the house pretty hot, so when he drinks, he gets hotter - and then, I guess, blames me. So many times, he just gets belligerent when he drinks.
Anyway, I got up, with enough energy to do the yardwork. I really don't want to be "that" house. I did my God Time and drank a lot of fluids. It's hot, sunny, and humid. I don't need any trouble.
I have seen a lot of red wasps so I wore my leggings and a baggy t-shirt. It kind of reminded me of the 80's. I did figure out my smoker is still wasp-free. Good. That would be an awful shock - they got me once when I accidentally knocked it over while mowing. I reached down to pick it up and got a huge red wasp. He stuck his stinger in me and injected venom until I literally shook him off. It took weeks to heal.
I got it done. Ron wanted to "help" so I asked him to do some weeding in front of the garage. He did a decent job with that and went inside. I went in the backyard and mowed all of that.
I am frustrated with Ron, because the last 2 times I have mowed he didn't roll up the cord, and I had to untangle a huge knot. If he is so glad I'm doing it, why can't he do the one thing I ask of him?
I also asked him to wash a cutting board and a knife, he didn't. I had to wash them myself before I cooked dinner tonight.
In "religious" terms, making something an idol means you give it more importance than God. I tend to do that with Ron. When he acts like this, I get a correction and put my eyes back on God.
Well, I'm not doing that today. I just get tired of the attitude. He doesn't appreciate me and he deliberately "fights" dirty, hitting below the belt and doing his best to kick me in my privates (figuratively speaking), even when I'm not fighting back.
God is a source of unconditional love. Humans are not.
4 comments:
You really should look into special rates for the income you guys have. Surely you can qualify for some type of credit.
Honestly if my husband said I could not take a shower after getting all sweaty and hot from doing yard work I would tell him to f..off and take my shower. Let him rant you can always leave and go somewhere.
I understand about electric bills but he is just ridiculous no using the stove top either?
You seem to spend most of your life tip toeing around what he wants. It must be hard to live that way. I could not do it.
Heather what job will you do when Ron passes away? This is a real possibility with his now Diabetes and continued drinking as I believe you have said this job you have now would go away if Ron dies.
Have you talked to Ron about getting your name on the life insurance policy instead of his parents? If you have not this is a MUST. Of course I would wait until he is acting lovey dovey and normal to do it.
People who love each other want each person to have the best and to make sure they are taken care of.
Ron has a policy in my name - so we're OK for that. I would also formally apply for disability - I qualify for that twice over. I can live cheap so that and a service sector job would be fine.
The only thing we do need to fix is have Ron write a will - right now his family would get half the house. He does not want them to.
Ron refuses to ask for help. I can't make him get help, just like I can't make him stop using the stupid leg massager that keeps giving him blisters (oh, I'd love to throw it out the window).
All that said, I took the high road today, polite, friendly, professional. Ron started acting like his usual self.
I think he is worried about money and I get the backsplash.
Heather, y'all would freeze in my house. I keep the central A/C on app 71, and then have a window unit in my bedroom also (and a dehumidifier). I cannot stand heat and humidity, even though I've lived my whole life in it. My mother says we could hang meat in here, lol.
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