Otherwise

So, how do I cope, when Ron's being difficult, I'm battling the depression from hell, and my cat is off on classified cat business? 

My faith. 

Does Ron exasperate me, hurt me, and make a difficult childhood look pretty good in comparison to living with him?  Yes. 

I don't know the clinical term, but he is very selfish and wants things to revolve around him.  It's just frustrating, I think "I'm bipolar, but you're the guy who was rubbing my shoulders and 10 minutes later ranting about hating me." 

It's not the head injury, he was like this before.  I can concede "not entirely the head injury".  I can concede he has a shorter fuse since the accident.  But the way he "reacts" when we disagree has not changed much at all. 

Sometimes I do see the Holy Spirit working in his life.  He will come out and apologize, and mean it.  Generally if he has not been drinking much. 

Other times I get the cold shoulder, he verbally abuses me, and expects me to apologize for not telling hin something 51 times, instead of 50.   Someone termed it "crazy making". 

Which brings an interesting question.  Ron always had the ideal, "Normal" woman.  She was a good housekeeper, sociable, professional.    She didn't have any emotional or physical issues.  She could drive.  He used to go on and on for hours about how I had "kept" him from her. 

So, what would have been my ideal man?  I don't care about physicality, but I do get tired of leading Ron around, so he can see, he can drive, he doesn't have emotional issues.  He is saved, a strong faith, and would never refer to God as "torture man".  He would encourage and support me in my faith instead of picking at it and tearing me down when I do my God Time. 

I think, for both of us, the ideal mate was more what they weren't than what they were.  But everyone has issues, and whatever issues are probably just as painful as the ones we face now. 

Ron, for instance, told me he could never enter a serious relationship with a woman who wasn't a believer.  I had told him the same thing. 

Of course, we followed our own plans, not God's, so we had a lot of pain and consequences as a result.  Don't slide into immorality. 

I got into a dispute with an employee at a grocery store.  He told me "Common law is just as good as married".  I disagreed, politely, and told him how I had suffered after Ron's accident because we were not married. 

The man got upset and actually walked off. 

People get offended by the truth.  I decided, one day, in tears, very frustrated I couldn't make any choices for Ron - I would use this to warn others. 

I know at least one couple got married after I told them about my experiences, so I'm glad I could use it for good. 

And Ron sortof apologized "If I said anything that hurt you", and I forgave him. 

I just hate the drama. 

Looking at a timeline, I find it interesting that Ron's drama (drinking) went up very shortly after I got medicated.  My drama went down, his went up. 

I just hope he can rely on God the way I do.  It's an awful way to live, otherwise.