Cats don't keep

It's my perception that people just don't like to hear from me, when I'm depressed.  I feel they find me 'boring, self-pitying, and whiny".  Then I remind myself it is most likely the illness talking. 

However, no one likes a whiner.  A negative, black-hearted person who just sucks the joy out of life.  I resolve not to be that person. 

I am battling a NASTY mixed depression.  Here's a link, sorry for all the ads.  Web MD mixed episode.  I'm not wild about the site in general, but it did a good job of phrasing in layman's terms. 

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I got distracted by Cuddle-cat.  That's an interesting story. 

She (Pretty Girl, new cat) wanted some cuddles.  Ron, fresh from his bath, was lying in bed naked.  I got a handtowel and put it on him, then laid Pretty Girl on top. 

That turned out to be a problem when Ron's cat, Baby Girl, came home.  BG got up on the bed and PG hissed at her.  I removed PG before it got ugly. 

I like Ron as a man, you know?  I didn't need 2 cats fighting on top of him, mostly naked except for a handtowel! 

So, it appears PG will have to be "my" cat only.  She doesn't share.  That's not a problem for me.  I didn't even want Baby Girl when Ron found her.  She beat up Bubba on a regular basis, play aggression, but it left his ears looking like pincushions.  I found I could distract her with play, but she would still pester Bubba when she got bored. 

I was rightfully upset at Ron's kitten bothering my nice old man, who never lifted a paw to defend himself (at least not in my presence); and while I love her and find her cute, she's not mine.

If something happened to Ron I would continue to love her until one of us died, but she is completely Ron's.  I have never seen him cheerfully clean a litterbox, but he cleans hers regularly.  I don't even have to remind him.  He feeds her, checks her water bowl, and dotes on her. 

Pretty Girl (my cat) probably would be diagnosed with an attachment disorder.  I'm hers and she will defend her rights.  Her rights to my lap, petting, attention, etc. 

I'm fine with that.  If anything, I tend to be too grabby, too needy, with cats.  I finally found a cat who feels the way I do.  By the time she gets up, both of us are satisified we got enough petting and cuddles. 

However, I did try to introduce her, share her, with Ron.  She can't "own" him or she'll beat up his baby.  I told him he'll have to be a little rude to her if he wants to keep the peace.  Better that than a fight. 

So, she helps.  It's pretty hard to despair when I've got 15 pounds of rumbly, purring, lump lying on my chest.  Of course I can't do any of the things I need to do, either, but most of it can wait. 

What was the old saying "Babies don't keep"?  gotcha  Cats don't keep either.  Frosty, the white cat in the slideshow, was very old when he came to live with me.  If I'd known how old, I would have spent  a lot more time with him in my lap. 

That was my only regret when he died; "I wish I had spent more time cuddling him".  I resolved, if God ever gifted me another cuddle-cat, I would spend a lot of time appreciating the gift.  So, I do. 

God knows it can only help my problems.  She's just made of love. 

I have told Ron I need to line up some drinks beside my chair, so I don't get too thirsty.  I need to drink about a quart an hour, minimum.  Lithium acts as a diuretic. 

So, I'm pretty functional.  My (vending) machines look great, I've been a productive employee, and Ron's happy. I have been a little irritable but Ron would probably say he didn't notice/didn't mind. 

I'm just weary, tired of fighting, hanging onto my shield of faith, trusting in God (never tired of that).  I don't have an illness, I have a freaking war in my head, and ugly battles every minute of every day. 

I hope either things have improved by Thursday, or my doctor can give me something cheap and safe to help.