Hold fast

acToday was a "hold fast" kind of day.  About like this:

That might be a good idea, actually, put up an image for each day.  I didn't "sink".  That's a good day. 

I didn't do much else, either.  Ron misunderstood my "trip requests" so I stayed home. It's looked like it wants to rain all day now, but I think it will pass. 

I tend to beat myself up over the things I didn't do today: housework, laundry (much), yardwork.  But I didn't kill myself, either. 

It wasn't that bad, but it was pretty ugly depression.  When I'm depressed Ron always wants to help, so today I told him "You can order Chinese food".  He ordered it and I took my medication as I ate my LoMein. 

Years ago, battling a horrific depression back in 2006 (my illness erupted that year with a vengence, nothing I had experienced up to that point could prepare me for the horror), I wrote a poem.  One line sticks with me "It's not a disease, it's a war".  It is a war. 

Some days, I'm doing great just to stay alive and healthy.  I need to understand that - that's all I can do, some days.  Other days, full of mania, I'm a whirlwind of productivity. 

Today, I'm listening to "Insane in the membrane" - BAD language - but it makes me laugh.  Ron let the cats out and Pretty Girl is out having the time of her life, I hope. 

Baby Girl and Pretty Girl are getting along well, they are doing cat greetings.  It basically looks like each cat smells the other cat's nose.  Cat lovers with multiple cats will know what I'm saying.  They use nice soft meows when talking to each other, too.  I think Baby Girl was pretty lonely after Bubba died. 

Pretty Girl gave me lots of cuddles and purring this morning, then got in Ron's lap when he made sad noises, sitting in his wheelchair.  Then Ron got lots of cuddles and purring.  Baby Girl is interested in hunting. 

If it's true, she's a Bengal, that means her great-grandaddy was a wild cat.  Those genes express themselves so it's understandable.  She's going to stalk around and chase things. 

I'm not sure what's up with Pretty Girl.  Probably peeing on every fence, and exploring every yard on the block.  I just worry, I'm a doting Mommy.  [edit - they're fine, they were exploring "Hoardy's" yard next door]

It would be very difficult to keep her confined to the house.  Ron is blind.  Cats escape around him even if they don't have a cat door. 

So, today.  I watched Criminal Minds and CSI Miami.  I'm not really "into" CSI but it's better than nothing. 

I managed to clean up some of the front room.  I'm happy about that.  The front room really sets the tone for the whole house.  I have a LOT of Bibles.  At least a couple hundred, thousands of tracts, etc.  I moved the Free Bible signs and my distribution bag (a floral print "beach bag") to the computer room. 

I took a shower, boy did I need it, it took forever to wash my hair.  When a longer hair falls out, it likes to make a tangle.  Shorter hairs just fall off.  I was pulling big tangles out of my hair.  If I ever have to take chemo, I'm going to shave my head and donate it before I get the first treatment.  It would be horrific pulling all that hair off in the shower.  I even shaved my legs. 

I got out, got dressed, and ate.  Took my nap.  Got up and checked the mail.  I got my ring.  Let me put up a photo. 

I saw some cool cross rings at the Christian bookstore when I went to stock the machine.  I found out my right ring finger is a size 9.  Then I looked online and found this: 

I thought that was pretty cool, especially since it cost about $15 with shipping from Guangdong, China.   Here's a link if you want one:  http://www.amazon.com/Tungsten-Carbide-Beveled-Wedding-Comfort/dp/B00AT9DYDC/ref=sr_1_1?s=jewelry&ie=UTF8&qid=1367535909&sr=1-1&keywords=tungsten+ring+cross+size+9
It took a couple weeks to ship, I've been looking forward to it.  I don't know how long it will last but it's cool and I like it.  A lot of the cross rings in the bigger sizes also had swords, and while Jesus said "I come not to bring peace, but a sword" (Matthew 10:34), it's all wrong for Bible Handouts.  I want a quiet statement of faith, not a controversy. 

I'm glad I got it.  I needed a treat.  I have a titanium wedding ring on my left hand, also a celtic design (I didn't plan it but it was the one most similar to Ron's ring). 

Here's the wedding ring.  I'm not putting up a buy me link because that would completely freak me out if you bought MY wedding ring.  You can find it if you look. 

The two rings, together, look pretty cool.  I am a little worried about the new ring scratching, but we'll see.  If I'm wrong I can get a cross ring in titanium, I know that is incredibly durable.  From what I read the tungsten rings (cross ring) are also very durable and scratch-resistant. 

At any rate, it helps take my mind off my troubles.  Before medication I bought loads and loads of crap. 

Now, this year, outside of Bibles and tracts, I bought a couple of e-books, a few songs, and the ring.  In 5 months.  I'm OK with that.  I spent a lot more on cab fare for a dying cat, than I did on myself. 

I guess I could consider this my rememberence ring for Bubba.  However, my cat is not dead.  He's gone; gone to a better place.  I will see him again.  He is a lot happier and pain free. 

I miss him, but I wouldn't bring him back. 

Ron wants to take a walk.  That's it for now.