Drinking has made you a selfish person

Well, that was ugly.  Ron had another blackout. 

Even though he isn't vain, sometimes I think he is a narcissist.  He got very upset when he couldn't find his cat yesterday.  It was pouring rain, a thunderstorm.  We had guys next door with a weed-whacker.  When she finally did come home, I found her bothered by a stray poodle mix.  Of course she was off hiding somewhere. 

Ron chose to receive it as "She doesn't like me anymore".  He got out the alcohol, breaking his rule (never before 12) and said "I'll probably have a fugue state" (fugue is just another word for blackout but I think he finds it more dignified). 

Fast forward, I told Ron I needed to take a nap, could he please be quiet.  I laid down for a while, and it was apparent he would not comply with my request.  Most of it was the usual behavior.   Shouting at God, trying to "help' the cat with burrs in her tail (kitty made it very clear that was a no), banging things around, falling on the floor, mysterious crashes... a little more sober "What did I do?  Why is my room like this?  What happened to my head?", and then back to the liquor cabinet again. 

Apparently he landed on his forehead during one of the falls.  I feel fine sharing this because there is no way to hide it.  Most of the time, Ron falls and the bruses/laceration/whatever is covered by his clothes.  Rarely, just a couple times, he has hit his head when falling. 

He will probably "joke" that I hit him, which will freak everyone out.  He didn't see the looks I got the last time he did that.  I'm really tempted to say something bitter like "Or maybe you're a drunk" if he does.  I will probably just smile and say "If I hit you, I won't leave marks". 

He was sure acting like his usual belligerent self, didn't want medical help, so I left him alone.  I can hear him snoring right now. 

I told him, several times, it was very important for him to let me sleep.  LET me sleep.  Like I have to get permission. 

I told him, during one of his declarations of love "If you really love me the best thing you can do is go lie down in bed and stay there". 

"I'm just trying to sleep!" he replied.  How is it, when he doesn't drink, he sleeps fine?  But when he does drink he has a 12 hour blackout, awake, and then sleeps for 12 hours after?   He even told me, himself, he sleeps better without drinking - he "did an experiment" and would be drinking less.  That lasted one day.  One day. 

I guess it's a good thing I didn't believe him.  He kept me up, all night, like he did when Bubba died.  It is sad, when I really need my sleep, he chooses to drink until blackout and then acts like a victim.  "What did I do?  You have to help me!  I am a victim here!" 

I told him, bitterly, last night: Drinking has made you a very selfish person.  He was so shocked he asked me to repeat it.