Tuesday morning

 I slept great last night and got up a little after 7.  I did my faith walk stuff.  

If you are interested I read the Bible a couple of different ways, read some devotionals, and on a good day do a lot of praying.  I am happy with my method.  It is "hard" especially the prayer part but I feel it is worthwhile.  

World Missionary Press in particular will always send out a sad plea for prayer when I am slacking ... so I realize it is important.  Not always feasible to do half an hour of intercessory prayer on days I work a long shift, but I can definitely get to it on my days off.  

I also watched the slideshow of Ron photos I was just missing him today.  I am not sorry he is in Heaven but I do miss the good times.  Baby Girl got up on the couch with me and I discovered her back was matted with dead fur.  So I had to pull all that out, and she let me, I think it is uncomfortable for her.  I checked her all over and pulled off about 5 handfuls of dead fur.  I believe she is depressed since Ron's death they were very bonded.  She will sleep near my computer chair but it's not the same.  She looks great now and got a lot of treats for being such a good girl.  None of the other cats has matting issues.  I brushed her, too, for good measure.  She is a shorthair.   

I need one of those self cleaning grooming brushes for her.  I do OK now though.  

While reading my Bible I did get a verse I had highlighted some time ago: 

I will set nothing wicked before my eyes; 

And I couldn't help but think of my fireman TV show, I had been thinking it has a lot of immorality in it.   And I felt God really didn't want me watching that so I didn't turn it on.  I am watching a reality show about truckers now.  Not as interesting but I am on the high ground.  

That's why, if I decide to look for another husband, he will have to be a committed Christian.  A "regular" guy is not going to understand a faith walk and making God happy above everyone else, above a husband and even myself.  Also, as I saw with Ron, a guy who is not always 100% committed to pleasing Jesus is going to try to pull you away from him.  

A common exchange at my house the last 10 years: 

"I'm going to do my God time" 

"Him?  Don't waste your time/tell Him to hurry up" 

I want a guy, if I decide to look for one, who will say to me he is doing his God Time.  That we could have shared Bible studies together.  I didn't get that with Ron.  Someone to pray for me.  Someone who respects me because I am a created child of God and respects others as well.  

Now in the meantime God is my husband, yes there is a Bible verse on that but I am too lazy to look it up.  God is absolutely going to take care of the widow (me).  He can and wants to satisfy my emotional and spiritual needs; I need to look to God for that and not man.  So I will focus on that.  

I had always figured I would get lonely and want someone else if something happened to Ron; I was right.  That's why I'm giving it 5 years and why I am going to work at improving myself, loving my fellows, and pleasing God.  If I rush into another relationship it will go toxic.  

I own a house now, some people will see me as a target.  So I need to be savvy.  But it is easy to see how a lonely widow can end up making mistakes.  It is odd to write about being a widow in the middle of the summer, it is hot and sunny out.  

That's it for now.  I am going to eat a snack and then take a nap.  I don't get those every often these days.