Monday

 Video Blog: 

I hope my tshirts hold up... I only spent $3.50 each with my discount.  They look very nice, seem to be well made, very soft.  

90% of my closet is comprised of clothes from Walmart.  With one exception they all held up very well.  The one time it didn't they took it back and gave me my money.  

The rest of my day went well they did not ask me to work late again.  (joking) Did I do such a bad job last night they said "NEVER again!"?  [grin]  I don't know.  Or maybe they are out of payroll.   I don't envy management a lot of pressure there.  I was happy to escape at 3.  

As I said I have budgeted for either $20 in takeout or a ride home in a cab on my "Friday" (actually Monday).  It is worth it and I can trim some fat from the budget.  So I called for a ride after I clocked out and he came in 15 minutes.  Excellent.  I was home quickly and worth every penny.  I remember sitting at home, surrounded by the cats, a cold drink in my hand (non alcohol) and thinking "Worth every penny".  I buy generic soaps.  I buy the cheapest shampoo and deodorant.  But some things I do not cheap: laundry detergent, cat food, and transportation.  

I am having some allergy issues which is a little frustrating as "the hack" (nagging dry cough) is trying to reappear.  I can't go to work coughing.  I can't.  I am on maximum dosing on Nasocort and Loratadine (Claratin).  Did I mention I do buy generic OTC medication?  I will do that... so just waiting for that to kick in.  Also taking mega doses of Vitamin C.  

I will add, allergies got bad after I got the vax.  Is it related?  I don't know.  If so, it is a pretty minor side effect.  I just need to get on top of it.  I also got a new plug in about that time, that could be a factor.  

Oh, duh.  I can change the air filter.  Going to go do that.  Done.  Hardest part of that is getting off the floor!  The old filter actually wasn't bad but I changed it anyway.  Each filter runs about $8.  

I really like the plug in but I may have to unplug it for a few weeks.  I can't go around dry-hacking during a pandemic.  I don't want to scare people.  

Other than that I am doing laundry, throw it in the dryer and leave it wet overnight, dry tomorrow morning and hang up.  And do nothing else aside from my shower tomorrow.  

I really feel God is telling me it is very important to take downtime not to run and run busy busy.  Yes, I don't think about Ron or feel sorry for myself but grief is a process and I need to walk the road.  And I will do that.  

I loved him hard, some would say a lot more than I should have.  I miss him "hard".  That is acceptable and understandable despite what one person told me.  

I also need to focus on my relationship with God vs. dating again.  That is a temptation I won't lie, especially now as the cause of death came back and I have some peace on that.  But I am giving myself at least 5 years, and focusing on spending some time with God at least twice a day, every day.  

I think that's the best thing I can do right now.