More important than a cat

You may be aware I have a few secrets.  That's my right.  But overall my life is a pretty open book. 

Ron got very upset at me yesterday.  I told him (I forget how it came up) that he had engaged in some horrible behavior while drunk one time, and it was so bad I had sent pictures of it to my aunt and uncle. 

Why, Ron asked, had I done this?  Well, I told him (and I didn't tell him I had also sent images to my parents), I was sick of the "Oh, it's not that bad" I was getting from everyone about the drinking.  Everyone I tried to confide in acted as if Ron's drinking himself to oblivion every night, hours of vicious verbal abuse, hurting himself, threatening to hurt me, etc. was totally normal.  Every night this went on for hours. 

Talk about a cry for help.  I was screaming - I have been, for a long time, in this blog, as well.  I just got minimizing comments and it will get better, pray about it, he's been through a lot responses. 

I wanted someone to get upset.  I wanted someone to agree with me that Ron was far over the line.  So, one night, Ron did something unspeakable.  He didn't hurt me that night but it made for some good images. 

So I sent images to my parents, aunt and uncle, and even my sister.  Maybe now you'll understand.  And it worked.  I finally got the response I was seeking, Heather, this is horrible.  Ron has a real problem. 

That's all I wanted, validation.  Ron was horrified I had done this, even though I explained.  He said I should have kept it private.  I told him I was tired of keeping secrets, and if he didn't want it "told" he shouldn't do it to begin with. 

He moped around for a while and had another couple drinks, this, after telling me, he would only have 2 that night. 

The rest of the day was pretty quiet.  I slept late and slept a lot during my nap.  I figure sleep is vital for the immune system, probably one reason young mothers are always getting sick.  I have also been taking my vitamins and supplements, in addition to my regular pills.  Drinking a lot of water.  Basically doing what I can to be healthy. 

The cats have been sleeping with me, but we have a problem with that.  They like the middle, or foot, of the bed.  I need them higher up so I have room to move around.  I do move around a lot. 

But they've been good, Torbie is lying by my foot right now.  She's a good girl. 

She's so pretty, too.  I have had some really ugly cats but Torbie is one of the prettiest.  She's right up there with Bubba (solid black) in looks. 

After the whole "revelation" thing - and I made sure to tell Ron this all happened years ago, Ron decided to take away my trip to Walmart "because they would leave us there too long".  Sure.  It had nothing to do with "punishing" me.  He does that sometimes.  Takes away a trip I had wanted because he can. 

I see it like this: God gave you a little bit of power, how did you use it?  Oh, like that.  Well, you will answer for it. 

The cats are pretty completely dependent on me.  I make sure I treat them with respect and love every minute of the day.  I make sure their needs are met, even when I feel terrible.  And I'm more important than a cat. 

Anyway, like I said, that's on him.  My job is to do my best. 

I don't recall vowing to hide his alcoholic secrets during my wedding, so I'm not breaking any promises.  When I think about my wedding, I get sad, thinking that just 2 months later, he had a blackout and choked me, screaming "You think I'm a monster? I'll show you a monster!"  Amazingly he didn't leave marks but he definitely cut off my air. 

I didn't talk about that, at the time, no one wanted to hear it.  Everyone, including me, assumed I would get a happily ever after for standing by Ron through all his trials. 

But you know what they say about assumptions.  They make an ASS out of U and ME. 

Three days until the anniversary of the accident.  I remember how depressed I was in 2005, realizing the statute of limitations had just expired for the accident.  Very depressing. 

Some facts I was told about the accident:
Police officer: there was a witness. 
Postal workers: A postal truck hit him, then threw him into the path of the driver's car
Postal workers: A postal truck told Ron it was safe to go, but the light changed halfway across (I could see that as the most likely scenario)

Of course when we tried to get ahold of the postal workers and the so-called witness, they evaporated.  Everyone closed ranks and played dumb. 

But a little boy came and screamed at me, one day, about a year after the accident.  I was running up and down the street.  He came out and asked why we were trying to make trouble for his daddy, his daddy had seen the accident, (Ron) had fallen down like he was dead after the accident, Ron was dead after the accident (very few people knew that), why didn't he stay dead after the accident instead of making trouble for (the little boy's) daddy? 

So I figure the truck driver who either hit Ron or told him it was safe to go lived near us, and knew we were looking to sue him.  He got away with it, for now, if he was culpable - and he may have just been a witness.  But the way that little boy was acting his father was guilty, and sweating bullets.  I hope he had a bad two years waiting for the statute to expire. 

And now I'm totally depressed.  I will go to my God Time and maybe bag up some candy for the drivers.  We have to get up very early tomorrow for our Dr Pepper delivery so that means an early bedtime. 

Even for me, early.