"Heather has a mood disorder"

Today went pretty well. 

Ron didn't want to take me to my doctor.  I'm trying not to be hurt by that.  Doc is not on a bus line. 

Instead, Ron gave me a wad of cash and called Alex the cab driver.  Alex was thrilled when he heard about the trip. 

Today I got up early, did some computer, and took my shower.  I got dressed and watched a little TV.  Alex showed up right on time and I went out.  He was surprised I was traveling alone, but happy he didn't have to deal with the wheelchair (I think). 

I gave him the address and he put it into his GPS.  It was a long trip and Alex made some money! 

He told me he would wait, which was awesome.  I was secretly terrified he would ditch me and I would be frantically trying to get a ride home. 

I went into the office.  Everyone seemed very normal, as they always do.  One girl had makeup caked on over really bad acne, I felt bad for her.  Lithium can cause acne, or makeup, for that matter. 

I don't know if I've shared this, but I had terrible acne in my teens, I had the cystic kind that got infected.  If you look at my skin, very close up, I have some marks.  It's not bad, though.  I figured out Vitamin A on my own.  My skin is great as long as I take a couple of Vitamin A capsules every day.  If I stop taking them I get abscesses and acne.  I wish I could have told her about Vitamin A. 

They called my name.  I went back.  I talked to the medical student and then Doc came in.  "Heather has a mood disorder" he told her. 

Damned straight I do.  I told him about the time I felt roaches crawling in my hair.  He said that is more common with cocaine abuse but can happen with psychotic mental illness.  We talked about my medication, and my next blood test. 

He was really shocked he didn't need to write an order for the blood test, but I can just walk into Any Lab Test Now and ask for the blood tests, as long as I pay for them myself.  Last I checked, a lithium and a chemistry panel (he likes that set of tests) run about $100.  I told him, due to finances, I would have to do it next month, he said that was fine.  It hasn't even been a year since my last blood test. 

We talked a little more and I left.  I got my prescriptions sent electronically, and set up my next appointment.  I went out and there's Alex, waiting in a parking spot right by the door.  Awesome. 

We took a different route home but I didn't care.  When we got home I paid him again and gave him a tip, and some money for waiting.  Hey, the man works by the hour. 

And I can't tell you how important it is for me to have a good, reliable cab driver.  Especially if Ron is not "helping" with paratransit.  And Doc isn't on a bus line. 

I have given some serious consideration to finding a new doctor.  I doubt Ron will ever want to take me to the doctor, and I doubt his willingness to spend $$ on cab fare for me, four times a year.  It would certainly help my independence if I didn't have to go begging to him for cab fare and rides. 

But he's my doctor.  He has decades of clinical experience.  Do I want to lose that just because Ron is being a jackass?  I need to give it some serious thought. 

Too bad Doc can't move on my bus route.  But he likes the nice neighborhood, which isn't on the bus line.  I am certain the bus line never entered his mind when he was shopping for a new location. 

[sigh] 

When Doc asked me how I was feeling, I told him "pretty good, considering".  I felt that was true.  I've been depressed today - I'm just in pain over watching Ron drink himself to death.  It's horrible.  But I can't stop it. 

However, people in my life do know about Ron's problem so I've got that.  No one (except maybe a commenter or two) blame me for his drinking. 

I was watching TV and they were talking about how prefrontal brain injuries cause and amplify addiction issues.  Ron absolutely had prefrontal brain damage in the accident.  It turned a problem drinker into a full blown alcoholic. 

Sometimes I wonder if, when Ron dies, the authorities will charge the driver will manslaughter.  As far as I'm concerned he did kill Ron. 

How's that for depressing? 

Ron did finally agree to take me out for breakfast tomorrow, before we got to work.  It's supposed to rain Thursday but the weather guys have been extremely unreliable lately so we'll see. 

At least I get a guaranteed trip to Walmart when my pills come in, although I doubt I will have much to spend after buying my medication.  I asked them for a 3 month refill.