A person of value

Well, I slept a little better last night and woke up before my alarm. 

We did our usual morning preparations and got ready to leave the house.  But the garage door wouldn't open.  Ron kept pushing the button as it made horrible grinding, metal bending, and popping sounds. 

After about 5 tries opening the garage door, I got him out through the front door. 

Then I went back in to have a look at the door.  The slide bar to lock the door had been slid.  So we had tried to open a locked door, repeatedly, basically destroying the top panel.  It looks horrible. 

It won't be cheap to fix, either. 

We went to work and happily work went better.  For once, I finally had all the time I needed to do my work and help Ron.  Let's see. 

I can't get the photos off my phone, at least not after my medication. 

Anyway, I stocked everything from crackers to pastry, then helped Ron with his stocking.  We came home and got a good look at our destroyed garage door.  It was painful. 

I got Ron in the house and took a nap.  The garage door people were due to come around 3 and it was already after 1. 

The garage door guy came and said we needed a new top panel, and it would cost $300.  [bad word]  I was pretty horrified. 

He left, with a deposit (we got a receipt), promising to come back tomorrow and fix it. 

He also told us not to use the door as it could bend all the panels.  We don't want to pay $200 more for a new door. 

I did my God Time after the guy left.  I figured I needed it.  I started having esophageal spasms which I get when I'm stressed.  I'm still having them. 

I still feel like I got a kick in my gut when I think about the garage door.  I must have bumped the lever walking around the wheelchair yesterday, when I came in the house.  It's pretty crowded in there. 

Which brought up a point, the guy didn't say anything but I naturally assumed he would need some room to work, so I did what I could, considering I couldn't open the door to take things out in the yard. 

I came in and worked on Ron's medical history.  My printer ate all the ink doing "alignments" and was unable to print up my computer version.  [bad word]  So I had to write it all out in longhand (I use print, my cursive is terrible but I can read it fine). 

3 pages, it took.  Not bad considering but long and tedious.  I wanted it to look as though an intelligent person had done it.  I had some misspellings I had to cross out but I got it done and hopefully put Ron in the right light. 

A lot of times, I worry, a doctor might read his medical history and write him off before they even see him.  I don't want that.  I want them to see him as a person of value. 

I finished all that.  Now time to get the laundry going in the dryer.  I did that. 

Then I ate and took my pills.  I took them 1-2 at a time, worried they would get stuck if my esophagus decided to spasm.  I got them all down. 

Now time to renew my ID card.  I could do it online - if I had a printer.  [bad word] [bad word] stupid alignments!  I can do it on the phone but I will use Ron's phone to do that.  I may need to do a lot of touch tones and my phone is a little weird for that. 

When I needed a new phone, I should have just gotten the one that looked like Ron's, the basic one with a keypad.  I don't send that many texts. 

So, I did what I could for a lot of things and I feel good about that. 

Then I finished the laundry and hung up Ron's shirts.  He is very picky about how his pants are done so I will ask him to remind me tomorrow. 

Ron said he will take his bath in the morning and doesn't want his beard trimmed.  I wish he would let me do his beard.  But it's his choice. 

I talked to Ron today, and asked him on a 1-10, how much he wanted surgery.  He said a 10.  I told him I had been polling people online and sometimes they were worse off after surgery.  Did he want to take that chance? 

I was fine, I told him, with surgery as long as he realized he could have complications or get worse.  As in, totally paralyzed instead of half-so. 

He's been thinking about that and now says he only wants surgery if he can get a guarantee he will not lose any function, and will improve.  I don't think the doctor can make that promise. 

I don't know what I want, to be honest... except a break from all this drama and stress. 

Comments

At this point? He needs the surgery if you trust and feel good with the doctor i eould. Yes lots of folks get back surgery too soon but he isnt ...listen to everything, he will never get a guarentee like that, and really if you want his suffering to ease and you trust the surgeon, for mery's sake i would do it. Hust my opinion for what it is worth i have as a nurse only the rarest of " failures" and honestly? None of our patients ended up worse when they were returned, sometimes it only gave minor relief and they were disapointed. Have you talked to your dad? He is a doc and must have some advise ( my dad was a doc too and always inserted his opinion needed or not lol! ) much love and keep us posted..you can overthink this, do some prayer time maybe specific to this after the consult when you have the plan from the surgeon, ? You could postpone worrying until then too ( wink wink i woul be spinning in circles of stress as well...but realistically it just burns up your fuel )
You are stronger than your demons, have "God on your side" take this on and make it your bitch..right? .
Oh and WTF with the garage door? REALLY??? I am so flipping sorry ! That comletely sucks i agree!
Heather Knits said…
Oh, my dad's not a doc, he's an engineer.

I am overthinking this a lot and a lot more worried about this than I was other procedures. Doc says it is a "very easy "procedure and he would be in the hospital for a couple of days, so I'd get a break.

I told Ron I couldn't stay with him in the hospital (needing my sleep, and also needing to run the business) and he understood. He was very understanding.

I just wish it didn't have to happen right before my birthday.

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