I don't live in a vacuum.

Anxious depression is hell.  Just H E L L.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone, even a child torturing rapist. 

I get very weary.  Then Ron has to much to drink and blubbers how much he loves me; it reminds me I don't live in a vacuum.  Even if I had a 100% certain method to "end it"; which I don't - and believe you me, God will absolutely send you back if it's not your time - I wouldn't because it would be cruelty to my survivors. 

Dark thoughts for depression; am I suicidal?  No, just reminding myself why I never could be, even if things were That Bad (they aren't). 

I slept OK except for the mosquito feasting on me.  I woke up tired, I'm always tired unless I'm manic. 

Shower, did God Time later.  We went to work. 

The machines were pretty wiped out.  I was very busy stocking.  The bottle vendor was completely empty.  That was an easy list: everything.  So I put everything on the cart, rolled it out to the fridge (in a very inconvenient new location), unloaded the fridge, offloaded the warm drinks, replaced the cold drinks, loaded cold drinks onto "buggy" (still can't get used to that Texanism), roll very hard to push buggy over by bug-eyed Ron gaping at empty machine. 

(He feels the slots)

We stocked it, but he did most of the work.  Anyway, got it all done just in time.  Our ride was waiting on us. 

Even better.  We went home.  I ate whole fat greek yogurt (a sure fire lithium companion) and took my meds without difficulty.  I took a nap. 

I woke up when I started having a nightmare about chicken and soy.  It was rather dark.  Depressed, anxious, and awake is marginally better than depressed, anxious, and nightmares. 

It was dry this morning, phased into a low drizzle, now an intermittently moderate drizzle.  It hasn't gotten heavy yet. 

Yet. 

I did up more candy; up to about 70 bags (half done).  I'll be glad when I finish. 

I just hope it doesn't rain on Halloween.