Can and will be used against you

I slept OK, but woke up horribly depressed. 

I managed my God Time, but not my shower.  I used the bath wipes (they are designed for home care). 

Ron, I could tell, had been battling colitis issues.  He was having a lot of symptoms.  We're not sure if it's the BBQ, raw cucumber salad, or the potatoes, but some combination launched an epic flare.  Poor baby. 

I decided, in the interest of "keeping the peace" I will "apologize" on Monday.  Something along the lines of "I'm sorry if you felt attacked, that wasn't my intent".  Even though I am deeply frustrated and nearly certain he set it up to inconvenience me, even though he was very alarming in his behavior after he lost his temper, I'll do it in the interest of "keeping peace".  He said he had "told" the other vendor, so I may have to deal with him too. 

I can't tell you how much it pissed me off, when Ron did the "Oh, you know Heather, she can't help herself" routine.  How about "Why were you cursing my wife in front of a roomful of people?  No, I don't care what you think she did.  You don't do that."  This, I'm convinced, is one reason so many hide their illness.  They know it can and will be used against them in the court of public opinion. 

In that court, no matter what happens, it is always the crazy person's fault.  I have occasionally, bitterly, wondered if Ron would blame me if I were raped.  "Oh, well, I'm sure she was acting provocatively, you know those bipolar girls." 

That's really sad to type.  I feel he should always have my back, or at the very least listen to my side of things before throwing me under the bus, blaming me for things that are NOT my fault, and blaming me for other people's "psycho" behavior. 

I don't care what people do, nothing they do ought to "make" you go off to the point you are literally chasing them around the workplace, cursing them, shouting at them, etc.  But, I'm the bad guy because I admit I have mental illness. 

It's not the first landmine I've thrown myself over, to save the business. 

That's how I've been running today.  We did go to Walmart.  Doc's assistant wrote prescriptions for ONE month refills, not three.  That's aggravating, and far more expensive.  Instead of $130 for three, it was $70 for one. 

Now, if money's that tight, it's that tight.  I remember a couple years ago his helper wrote anxiety pills, diabetes medication (I guess because I am overweight, I just look diabetic), and sleeping pills.  When they called to tell me I said "I don't even want to see that crap".  Although I might have wanted Metformin. 

It will be useful when we go to Austin.  I can just bring the bottles.  All of them.  The many many bottles.  Boy, I don't feel crazy until I get a look at all that medication. 

5 bottles of crazy, one nausea medication for migraines (it turns down the volume without making me freak out like other things), the ginger root (for nausea prevention), some kind of OTC pain reliever (I chose Naproxen), etc.  It's wearying.  I'm glad I do my medication up once a week.  Pills of the week work best for me. 

I figured out the antidepressant is the expensive one, at least in the one-month.  $40.  The other stuff was nothing. 

Ron got his bill from the hospital, for the ER visit.  It was about $250.  The entire bill was about 13 THOUSAND, but after "adjustments" Medicare paid about $700.  Ron now owes the balance, but that's not bad, considering. 

I really need to look for better insurance.  We went cheap, a mistake if I get really sick. 

So, we went to Walmart.  I bought a rice pot with a steamer attachment.  That might prove interesting.  I dug out my old crockpot. 

I bought dry rub - I hope "seasoning blend" is the same thing.  I have a nice pork roast already.  I got the baby potatoes.  Yum.  Ron won't get the potatoes but he can enjoy the meat. 

To my way of thinking, a person with colitis should be focusing on antioxidants and protein, anyway.  I know I don't get enough protein so I am focusing on that. 

When I eat a lot of protein, my snacking decreases. 

I'll remind you I'm in the snack foods business.  That could get ugly when I'm stressed and hungry. 

I plan to make a pork roast tonight/tomorrow.  I plan to layer some baby potatoes in the bottom of the crock.  I may or may not cook some rice "in addition". 

To do that, I'm going to have to organize my counter (again) and organize the fridge (again).  I plan to use a very simple recipe for the roast.   If it's good, I'll share. 

Next on my cooking list, a squash soup.  I can always use more vitamin A and a huge chunk of Vietnamese "Pumpkin" was only a dollar.  It's cooked in coconut milk with some chicken broth. 

Oh, and I have to organize the front room, again.  It is overtaking everything. 

I set up all the stuff for Ron's doctor visit tomorrow, pathology report, endoscopy report, 3 page medical history, delicious chocolatey "Copay".  Fun sized candy bars are always welcome at the medical facility.  Always. 

Unless, I suppose, it were a weight loss clinic. 

Edit, I talked to Ron.  "I really need to feel you have my back".  He said not to worry, he would handle everything.