"I don't want to use you"

Wednesday at work, we had a transportation screw-up. Only 1 hour at work, and I had to help Ron stock the machines, unload 2 pallets, receive a large soda order, and help out with other things. I suggested to Ron that I handle the more "active" job of unloading the sodas. I can manage the mania better if I'm active or engaged in something, otherwise my thoughts run wild.

"I don't want to use you." he replied. Trust me, I told him, I'm doing us both a favor. So I offloaded all the bottled soda and about 60 cases of canned soda; all in the period of 15 minutes. I tell you, I earned my pay.

I love that my medication can help me go from a manic, rabid, paranoid fight-picker to a calmer, more capable (albeit hyper) person. Days like today, when I slept 10 hours, went out to eat, came home, slept 4 more hours, and I'm still tired - well. I remind myself it's a trade off. I don't want to be sick.

This morning, in fact, I had a nightmare. I was at a retreat with some other people. Somehow we missed the bus to come back home. I was stuck hours away from home and my roomate left. That was all OK. Even when the retreat manager told me I had to check out of my room. My biggest concern? I didn't have any money to buy breakfast so I could take my Lithium. I remember begging and pleading, I have to take my pills, I don't want to be sick. Then I woke up.

It had been about 13 hours since my last dose, and I tend to get "sick" if I go more than 14 hours. It's funny how my brain works to remind me "It's pill time".

I haven't really been able to focus on my lace knitting and I'm a little tired of my shawl, so I'm working on "Happy" for now. Things can only get better.

I'm glad I don't have a credit card, I would have had it smoking yesterday! I'm considering reopening my "Internet debit card" account but I'm going to think about it for another couple days. I tend to buy odd lots of lots of items related to my newest interest.

My next-door neighbors are moving. I'm going to miss their dog. Isn't that terrible? They had the cutest little min-pin who loved coming over for treats. She's a little escape artist. I got a little weird with them about a year ago (Before Medication) so I feel a little awkward every time we interact. I'd love to tell them why I was so odd in the past but I think they would just totally shut down... and now they're loading the big-screen into the pickup truck and moving. They were renting the house. I am curious to see if the owner will sell it or re-rent.

Thankfully the new people, whoever they are, will only see medicated Heather. I hope they like cats. We had one odd-ball (the homeowner's wife!) who threatened to kill them because "They keep looking at me."

Hm.