Monday, May 29, 2017

More drama than I wanted

Ron's being a jerk tonight.  Verbal abuse, tirades, threatening to force me to move out (good luck with that, in Texas we are a community property state). 

It was really blood-boiling.  The final insult, to me, was when he asked me what a normal relationship looked like.  I told him

[He's threatening to get online and "find a woman who really loves me"]

Anyway, I told him it's more what it wasn't.  Going a whole day without him getting offended at something I didn't even say.  Going a whole day without being verbally abused for something I didn't say, or because he's angry I'm depressed. 

He said "You have no idea what a normal relationship looks like". 

"Exactly" I replied. 

When he gets angry at me, it's anything goes. 

Anyway, then he says well maybe I'm defective and that's why I can't give him what he wants.  A marriage, I say this to you, my reader, and not to him: a marriage is not about getting your spouse to give you what you want.  It's about giving to your spouse unconditionally.  If you both do that, you will have a good marriage. 

If you are married to an alcoholic narcissist, though, you have to set boundaries, or he would eat me alive. 

How did all of this start?  Well, it started when Ron asked me to watch a cowboy movie.  I am not into Westerns.  I hate westerns.  I appreciate the role cowboys play in society but I have no desire to watch a cowboy movie.  That would be like taking Ron to go see Alien. 

I told him, no, I'm not interested.  Why?  I told him I was depressed and didn't want to see a comedy.  He kept bugging me.  I finally told him, that, based on his description of "this one scene, that's so funny" I didn't want to see it.  That's when he went off. 

Later on I asked him if I lived in America, and was "allowed" to say I didn't want to watch a movie.  I had to press him on it but he eventually agreed I had the right to say no. 

Our day started out OK. I got up, did my shower and God Time, got dressed, and we went out for burgers.  After we ate our burgers we went to the pet store.  I saw an adorable rescue kitten being carried in a purse.  She (?) was a precious little gray tabby.  I wanted to pet her so bad.  Her eyes were still blue but she was pretty big, considering, so I am guessing she was about a month old. 

We came home.  I took a nap.  Things were pretty quiet today, but last night #6 had a party.  I think he is slowly being assimilated into American culture.  He bought a BBQ grill, he had a BBQ/party for Mexican Mother's day, and then he had another party last night for Memorial day. 

It rained really hard very late last night.  I couldn't help but wish it had rained when they were kicking the soccer ball into my fence.  Then I went back to sleep. 

I am sitting in my computer chair, Biscuit is dancing around my feet and Torbie is laying by my toes.  They are both so very sweet. 

I tried to explain to Ron: I only have so much energy.  I have to spent it wisely.  If I am working, taking care of the cats, and running you to the dentist don't be surprised when I don't have energy to do the dishes.  He sees it as I don't know how to clean, or I don't want to. 

I hate cleaning; I admit that.  But it's an energy issue.  I have never met a person with depression, who worked, who had a perfect house.  It's impossible.  There's only so much energy to spend, and when it's gone, it's gone. 

And I can't get it back. 

Instead of pressuring me to do more and more, you think Ron might encourage me to cut back on some of the unnecessary activities, like going to the dentist.  Someone else could take him.  It could be anyone.  It doesn't have to be me.  The dentist and his assistant don't need me.  I just push the wheelchair. 

At least he's calmed down now.  I should be able to get some sleep now. 

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